You’re right to value self-control. In Jainism, true strength is inner discipline, not replying in kind. When someone shouts at you, not retaliating can be a powerful dharma practice (ahimsa and tapas). Here are simple, practical steps:

• Breathe and pause: Take a slow, deep breath. Let the voice fade in your ears while you center yourself. This is tapas (self-control) in action.
• Maintain your dignity: Stand or sit with calm posture. Keep your voice soft and clear if you respond. Do not mirror the aggression.
• Acknowledge, then set a boundary: You can say, in a composed tone, “I understand you’re upset. I won’t argue now. Let’s talk when we’re both calm.” This asserts boundaries without aggression.
• Don’t escalate: If the other person continues shouting, remove yourself from the situation or end the conversation politely. Protect your safety and mental peace.
• Shift the focus inward: Remind yourself that their shouting is about their own state, not your value. Detachment (virāgya) from their behavior helps maintain equanimity.
• Choose compassionate boundaries: If you must revisit the matter, propose a time or method (e.g., “We’ll discuss this after a short break, or in writing”) rather than prolonging a heated exchange.
• Practice forgiveness and equanimity: Don’t dwell on the insult. Return your attention to your own conduct and the truth of the situation, as taught in Jain philosophy.
• Build long-term resilience: Regular practice of self-control (tapas), right conduct, and detachment strengthens you so others’ reactions don’t define you.

In short: respond with calm, set clear boundaries, prioritize safety, and cultivate inner equanimity. This is the Jain path of strength—not allowing aggression to derail your peace or your integrity.

You can read more about these Jain principles in relation to conduct and equanimity here