In Jain dharma, your safety comes first. Ahimsa (non‑violence) applies to you also. Allowing further harm to your mind or body is not a religious duty.

I’ll answer in two parts:

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1. “What if I do not want to forgive my abuser?”

From a Jain point of view:

1. You are not obliged to force forgiveness right now.

- Uttam Kshama (supreme forgiveness) is a high spiritual state. - It is not a rule that a deeply wounded person must instantly forgive. - Jainism respects inner truth (bhāva). Fake “forgiveness words” with a bleeding heart are not required.

1. Anger and hate hurt you, but so does pressure to forgive.

- Holding burning hatred increases inner himsā (violence) toward yourself. - But pushing yourself to forgive while you still feel unsafe can also be a kind of self‑violence. - Jain path is madhyasth (balanced): slowly reduce hate, without throwing yourself back into danger.

1. You can start with neutrality, not full forgiveness.

- Jain texts praise madhyastha bhāv – a neutral, detached attitude: “I do not wish you harm, but I also do not come close to you.” - This is already a big step beyond “I want to destroy you.”

So it is spiritually honest to say inside: > “Right now, I cannot forgive. I only pray that I do not become more violent or bitter because of this. I will heal first.”

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2. How to forgive without losing psychological safety

Think of forgiveness in Jain dharma as inner cleansing, not outer closeness.

A. You do not need contact with the abuser

Forgiveness does not mean:

• Meeting them
• Talking to them
• Dropping legal cases
• Letting them back into your life

You can forgive from far away, or even never fully forgive, but only release some hatred over time. Protecting yourself with distance, law, or boundaries is absolutely in line with Jainism (it is right self‑protection, not revenge).

B. Steps you can take safely

You can choose any of these, at your own pace:

1. Separate “wrong action” from “my whole life”

- Repeat in your mind: “What they did was wrong. Their karma is theirs. My life is not only this wound.” - This reduces the grip of the past without forcing love or forgiveness.

1. Forgiveness as self‑care, not gift to them

- In Jain view, when you slowly let go of hatred, you drop some karmic load. - It is more about your soul becoming lighter, not about making them comfortable.

1. Safe inner prayer (no need to name them)

When you feel ready, you might very gently practice something like:

> “I wish that all beings, including those who harmed me, move away from violence and ignorance. > I do not wish revenge. I only wish to be free from this pain.”

If the abuser’s image feels too triggering, keep it general: “Khamemi savva jive, savve jiva khamantu me” (I forgive all beings; may all beings forgive me) – you do not have to think of them specifically at first. You can read more in this simple explanation of forgiveness practice

1. Strong boundaries as part of ahimsa

- Ahimsa includes not allowing repeated abuse. - Saying clearly (at least in your mind, or legally / practically): “You cannot come near me or harm me again” is consistent with Jain dharma. This is protection, not hatred.

1. Gradual softening, not sudden sainthood

Over time, you might notice changes like: - From “I hope they suffer” - To “I don’t care what happens to them, I just want to be free” - Maybe one day to “I don’t hold this in my heart anymore.”

That last stage is close to uttam kshama. But it is okay if this takes years, or comes in layers.

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3. PTSD and Jain view of healing

PTSD is a serious injury of the mind, like a deep physical wound.

• Jain perspective supports seeking treatment (therapy, counseling, medication if prescribed).
• Caring for your mental health is seva to your own jīva (soul‑carrier body-mind).
• A calm and stable mind is needed for samayik, pratikraman, or any deep spiritual work.

So:

• Please consider trauma‑informed therapy or a trustworthy counselor in your area.
• If you ever feel like hurting yourself or are overwhelmed, reach out immediately to local emergency or crisis services in your country. This is not against Jain dharma; it is aligned with preserving life.

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4. A gentle Jain practice you can try (only if it feels safe)

Once in a while, when you feel relatively calm:

1. Sit quietly, breathe gently.
2. Recite Navkar Mantra slowly, focusing on the qualities of Arihant/Siddha – completely free from hatred and fear.
3. Say in your heart:

> “I bow to the pure soul within me. > I want freedom from fear, hatred, and memories that torture me. > I will protect myself and walk towards peace step by step.”

Stop if it feels too heavy. There is no sin in stopping. Listening to your limits is part of self‑ahimsa.

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Summary:

• You are not religiously required to immediately forgive someone who abused you.
• Jain dharma asks you to protect yourself, avoid revenge, and slowly reduce inner hatred when you are able.
• Forgiveness, in the true Jain sense, is an inner release that can happen without any contact with the abuser.
• Healing PTSD with professional support + gentle Jain practices is fully consistent with the path of ahimsa.

Your pain is real. You are not “less spiritual” because you are struggling with this. In Jainism, even the ideal of Uttam Kshama is reached gradually, with great compassion toward oneself.