You have raised a very deep and honest question. I’ll answer in simple, step‑by‑step points.

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1. Does thinking of brutally killing someone bind heavy (even nikachit) karma?

In Jain dharma:

• Himsa is of three kinds –

1) Kaya (by body) 2) Vachan (by speech) 3) Manasa (by mind/thought)

• Bhav (inner intention) is the main cause of karma‑bandh.

Only dravya‑himsa (actual physical killing) is not necessary for heavy karma; intense, prolonged violent intention is also a very serious cause for paap‑bandh.

About nikachit karma specifically:

• Nikachit karmas are those so tightly bound that they must give result; they cannot be avoided, only suffered and exhausted.
• Such strong karma generally binds when:

- There is intense kashāya (anger, pride, deceit, greed), - For a long duration, - With clear, fixed, violent intention and no feeling of repentance.

So:

• Your kind of repeated, revengeful, violent imagination definitely binds heavy paap (especially himsā‑anubandhi krodh etc.).
• Whether it has become nikachit in the strict technical sense cannot be judged by us. Only Kevali‑jnani can know exact karmic status.

But we can safely say: it was spiritually very harmful and serious, not light.

You can read a simple explanation of karma and nikachit karma here

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2. Can a samyag‑drishti jiva have such thoughts?

Yes, samyag‑drishti jiva can still have bad thoughts, even very ugly ones.

• Samyag‑darshan means right faith in tattvas (soul, karma, bondage, moksha, etc.), not total purity of mind.
• Until we become vitrag, kashāya‑rahit (very high stages), old karmic impressions and habits bring up bad thoughts.
• Difference is:

- Mithyā‑drishti: justifies them, enjoys them, or feels no real guilt. - Samyag‑drishti: feels “this is wrong, this is dangerous for my soul”, and slowly tries to come out of it with remorse and effort.

So:

• Having such thoughts does not automatically mean you are not samyag‑drishti.
• But clinging to them, enjoying them, feeding them for long without any feeling of wrongness is a sign of strong delusion and heavy bondage.

You had them for years with strong hatred – that is serious paap‑bandh. But later, real regret and change of heart is a very good sign of progress in drishti.

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3. What about the 6 years of cruel thoughts you had?

Let’s look at what you described:

1. You were beaten by a teacher – so there was:

- Physical and mental pain - Non‑Jain way of reacting is intense revenge and hatred.

1. You developed:

- “Intense animosity” - Repeated mental scenes of killing her brutally

1. This continued for around 6 years, at high intensity initially.

From Jain viewpoint:

• Karma bound:

- Strong anger (krodh) and dvesh (hatred) - Thought‑himsa (manasa himsa) with sankalpa – clearly intentional, not accidental. - Long duration → deeper bonding of karma.

• But:

- Later, intensity reduced. - Around 3 years ago, you deeply regretted, mentally apologized, and now are seeking dharmic clarification.

This means:

• Earlier years = paap‑bandh (very serious, but not “hopeless”)
• Later repentance = paap‑kshaya / paap‑leshya getting weaker, new heavy paap not being created from that bhav.

Jain dharma is very clear: No karma is stronger than true samyak‑prayaschit and constant improvement. Only the already‑bound karmas will give result according to their nature and strength, but their intensity and duration can often be reduced by right bhav, unless they are strictly nikachit.

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4. Was your regret and inner apology useful?

Yes, it was very valuable.

In Jain shastra, prayaschit mainly has these inner elements:

1. Alochana – honest admission to oneself (and to Guru, if possible):

“I did/harboured this wrong bhav.”

1. Pratikraman –

- mentally going back over the fault, - feeling real remorse, - resolving not to repeat.

1. Pratyakhyan – firm inner vow:

“I will not nurture such thoughts again. If they arise by old habit, I will not support them.”

You said:

• You regretted deeply,
• You apologized in mind to that person.

That is already antarik prayaschit and it definitely lightened the karma and purified your bhav.

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5. Should you also take prayaschit from Guru?

In Jain tradition, yes, this is highly recommended and beneficial, especially when:

• The fault was serious or long‑standing.
• It still disturbs your mind.
• You feel deep guilt and want spiritual closure.

Benefits of taking prayaschit from Guru:

• Guru helps you see clearly:

- “What exactly was the fault?” - “What is appropriate atonement for a grihasthi in today’s life?”

• By speaking it out humbly, your ego (maan) reduces.
• You receive aagya (guidance) and maybe a small vrat, upvas, samayik, or daily pratikraman as atonement.
• This gives strong inner relief and new direction to your spiritual life.

So, in simple words:

> Your own inner regret was very good and necessary. > Going to a Sadhu/Sadhvi/Guru (whom you trust as gyani and maryada‑palan) and taking formal prayaschit will be even better and very much in line with Jain dharma.

If you cannot reach a Guru easily:

• Do daily pratikraman (even a short one, with attention to this fault).
• Repeatedly do:

- Kshamapana – “Michchhami Dukkadam” bhav towards that teacher and towards all beings. - Maitri bhavana – consciously wishing well to that teacher, replacing hatred by friendliness.

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6. What to do now so that such karma lessens and does not repeat?

Practical steps you can start:

1. Accept: “Yes, I did wrong bhav.”

Don’t deny, don’t justify. Calmly accept and learn.

1. Do regular kshamapana:

- Whenever you remember that incident, think: - “I caused violent thoughts towards you. I was wrong. From my side, I seek forgiveness. Michchhami Dukkadam.” - Do this with humility, not fear.

1. Maitri‑bhav practice (very powerful):

- Every day for a few seconds, sincerely think: - “May she be happy, peaceful and progress spiritually.” - This directly cuts dvesh and creates punya.

1. Samayik / Pratikraman:

- If possible, do one regular samayik (even short) focused on: - watching thoughts, - dropping revengeful imaginations, - strengthening equanimity.

1. Avoid feeding violent imagination:

- If any movie, talk, or fantasy encourages brutal revenge‑scenes, try to stay away. - Old habit will try to re‑create scenes; gently say to yourself: - “This is poison for my soul; I do not support this.”

1. Stay in satsang and under guidance of Guru:

- This keeps drishti soft, humble and ahimsak.

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7. Summary in simple language

• Yes, for many years you bound serious himsa‑related paap by repeatedly imagining brutal killing with hatred.
• We cannot exactly say it is nikachit karma; that is known only to Kevali. But it was spiritually very harmful and heavy.
• A samyag‑drishti can still have such thoughts, but they are not to be defended; they must be repented and cleaned.
• Your deep regret and mental apology are already strong prayaschit and have surely helped.
• Taking formal prayaschit from a Guru is highly advisable and fully according to Jain dharma. It will:

- further lighten karmas, - give you peace, - and show you a clear spiritual path ahead.

• From now on:

- practice forgiveness and maitri‑bhav, - do pratikraman, - and consciously drop all revengeful imagination.

With this, you are moving towards inner ahimsa and purification of your soul.