What you’re describing is very natural, and from a Jain point of view it makes a lot of sense if we see it through:

• kashāy (anger, ego, deceit, greed)
• saṃskār / vāsanā (inner impressions from past experiences)
• and relations + expectations (how you see each person).

I’ll break it into parts.

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1. Earlier you used to shout back, now you stay silent – what does this mean?

(a) Outer behaviour has changed

Before:

• Elder scolds → instant reaction → harsh reply, lot of anger in words.

Now:

• Elder scolds → intense anger inside → you keep your mouth closed, no words.

From Jain view, this means:

1. Saṃyama (self-control) at the level of body and speech has increased.

- Earlier there was hinsa through speech – hurting with words. - Now you are at least stopping the outer hinsa. This is a step forward.

1. But the inner krodh (anger) is still strong.

- Anger is a bhāva (inner state). - Even if you don’t speak, if inside you are burning, abusing the person mentally, wishing bad, that is still mānasik hinsa (mental violence).

So:

• Improvement: less external harm, less new negative karma through speech.
• Remaining work: transform the inner reaction, not just suppress it.

(b) Is this suppression or progress?

It depends how you are silent:

• If silence = “I’m aware I’m angry, I don’t want to create more paap, let me cool down, I’ll understand this later”

→ This is good progress. It is upsham (temporary calming) of anger.

• If silence = “I’m boiling inside, imagining arguments, storing resentment, but just not talking out of fear or helplessness”

→ This is mostly suppression. The karmic load of anger is still building inside.

Most people are a mix of both. But the fact that:

• You are noticing your emotions,
• You are asking “why is this happening to me?”

shows jagruti (awareness) is rising. That itself is a very positive sign spiritually.

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2. Why different reactions to your mother vs your father?

You said:

• When mother scolds: you don’t get angry at all.
• When father scolds: you do get angry, sometimes a lot, but you don’t react outwardly.

From Jain psychology, this can be understood from several angles:

(a) Different bhāva-bandhan (emotional bonds and expectations)

With mother:

• Usually seen as more unconditionally loving.
• Inner belief: “She cares for me, even if she scolds.”
• So the mind interprets her scolding as concern, not attack.

With father:

• Often associated with authority, comparison, judgment:

- “You must do better.” - “Why are you like this?”

• Inner belief may be:

- “He doesn’t understand me.” - “He is unfair / too harsh.”

• So the mind interprets his scolding as criticism or rejection.

Same words from two people can feel very different because of:

• Your past memories with them.
• The story your mind has built about each one.

This “story” is vāsanā / saṃskār – a combination of this life + past-life karmic bonds.

(b) Ego and identity get triggered more with one person

Ask yourself honestly:

• Do you feel more “small” or “wrong” in front of your father than your mother?
• Do you feel a stronger need to “prove yourself” to him?
• Do you feel more judged, less accepted?

If yes, then:

• Ego (mān) is more triggered with your father.
• When ego feels attacked, krodh immediately arises to protect it.

With mother, if you feel:

• Safe
• Accepted
• Understood

Then ego is less active, so anger doesn’t rise much, or it dissolves quickly.

(c) Old hurt and accumulated memories

Very often we are not reacting to the present words, but to:

• Old incidents,
• Old comparisons,
• Old scoldings,
• Unresolved hurt.

With one parent, that pile may be heavier, so each new scolding adds on top of that, and you feel:

• “Again the same thing…”
• “I’m never good enough for him…”

So anger is actually a defense mechanism covering:

• Hurt (dukh),
• Sense of injustice,
• Feeling unloved / unvalued.

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3. From Jain dharma view – what is going on inside?

Jain dharma explains this with:

• Rāg–dveṣh: attachment & hatred.
• Kashāy: anger, pride, deceit, greed.
• Mithyātva: wrong belief about “I” and “mine”.

(a) Inner script in such moments

When your father scolds, inside something like this happens (very fast):

1. “He is attacking me.” → Strong sense of I–ness (ego).
2. “He is wrong / unfair.” → Dveṣh (hatred / aversion) starts.
3. “I should reply / show him / prove him wrong.” → Krodh + Mān (anger + pride).

Even if you don’t speak, this chain goes on inside. This creates asrava (inflow of karma) and bandh (bonding of karma).

With mother, the chain may be more like:

1. “She’s annoyed, but she loves me.”
2. “She worries for me; it’s okay.”
3. “Let it go.”

So anger doesn’t get fuel, and karmic bondage from that incident is weaker.

(b) What does your present stage show?

Right now, your state looks like:

• Old habit: talk back harshly, argue.
• New habit: hold the tongue, but mind still disturbed.

In Jain terms:

• You are moving from gross violence (through speech) to subtler inner himsa only.
• The journey in dharma is:

1. Stop gross himsa (body, speech). 2. Then gradually purify inner bhāva (thought & feeling).

So you are between 1 and 2. This is normal and expected.

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4. How to work with this, practically (Jain way)?

You asked “what does it mean & why,” but knowing why becomes powerful only if you know what to do next.

Step 1: Awareness in the moment

When father or elder scolds you:

1. Immediately notice: “Krodh uth raha hai” – anger is arising.
2. Silently say “This is my kashāy, not my true Self.”
3. Keep the mouth closed – which you are already doing.
4. If possible, slow, deep breaths and mentally recite:

- “Namo Arihantāṇam…” (even once or twice).

You are not suppressing; you are observing. Observation weakens the anger.

Step 2: After things cool down – inner reflection

Later, when you are alone:

1. Replay the scene calmly.
2. Ask:

- “What exactly hurt me?” - “Which expectation of mine was broken?” - “Which ego-point of mine was touched?”

1. See clearly:

- “My reaction is my own karmic fruit (uday of karma). The other person is only a nimitta (instrument).”

This reduces blaming and increases sva-parikshan (self-examination), which is a core Jain practice.

Step 3: Pratikraman (very important)

Every night, do a simple, sincere pratikraman, especially for anger towards family:

1. Remember the incident.
2. Accept: “Yes, anger arose in me. That was hinsa-bhāva.”
3. From the heart, do alochana (confession) before Dev–Guru–Dharma internally:

- “I hurt this jiva in my thoughts / feelings.”

1. Do kshamapana (ask for forgiveness) from the soul of that person:

- “If I have hurt you in any way by thoughts, words or actions, I ask for forgiveness.”

1. Do pratyākhyān (gentle resolve):

- “Next time, I will be more alert. I will not let anger drive my words.”

This gradually creates nirjarā (shedding of karma) and purifies your response pattern.

Step 4: Change how you see your father internally

Try to see:

• “He is also a jiva bound by his karmas.”
• “He may also be carrying his fears, frustrations, and insecurities.”
• “The pure soul inside him is completely separate from his current behaviour.”

If you can hold this vision even for a few seconds while he is scolding, your anger will lose intensity. This is real Jain practice – seeing jiva as jiva, beyond the role.

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5. Important clarifications

• You are not bad because anger arises.

In samsār, as long as karmas are there, kashāy will arise. The difference is: - an unawakened person just flows with it, - a seeker like you starts observing, restraining, and cleaning it.

• Don’t hate yourself for feeling anger.

If you add guilt on top of anger, mind becomes heavier. Just stay honest: “Yes, anger is there. I want to grow beyond it.”

• Don’t think silence alone = purity.

Outer silence is good, but work patiently to: - Reduce inner arguments, - Increase understanding and compassion, - Strengthen the vision of “all are souls under karmic bondage, including me.”

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6. Summary in simple words

• Before, you were reacting in anger.
• Now, you are at least not exploding outside – this is progress.
• The difference in reaction to mother and father comes from:

- different past experiences with them, - different expectations, - where your ego and hurt are more strongly tied.

• From Jain view, this is all karmic play + kashāy patterns.
• Your job now:

- Stay aware when anger arises. - Keep control on speech, as you are doing. - Do daily pratikraman. - Slowly change how you see the other person – as a soul, not an enemy.

Over time, you will notice:

• Anger will still arise,
• But it will be less intense, shorter, and weaker,
• And one day, the same scolding may not disturb you at all; it will just pass like a wave.

That inner stability is exactly what Jain dharma wants us to develop.