In Jain dharma, what you are describing is very well‑understood and very human:

1. Two things are happening in you together

- At the moment of attack: krodh (anger), maan (ego), himsa bhav (violent intention in speech). - After that: deep pashchātāp (regret), lājjā (shame), and a wish to not repeat.

The second part is not weakness. It is your conscience and is a sign of spiritual sensitivity.

1. Silence outside, volcano inside – why it still hurts you

Even when you stay quiet, if inside you are burning with anger, then on a subtle level: - You are still binding new karma (especially of anger and pain). - The mind remains disturbed, and that restlessness can explode later in some incident.

So Jainism does not say only “don’t speak”. It says change the inner bhāva step by step.

1. About the elder’s ego and anger

- His anger and ego are his karmic load and his kasāyas (anger-pride-deceit-greed). - From a Jain view, you are not responsible for his nature. - Your only real responsibility is: “In his presence, what bhāva do I create?”

You are allowed to protect your dignity, but with as much samyak bhāva (right attitude) as you can, not with revenge or the desire to hurt.

1. The guilt you felt after shouting

That moment when you cried and apologised is very important spiritually: - You saw your own harshness clearly. - You accepted your mistake and said sorry. - This is exactly the seed of pratikraman.

Don’t drown in guilt. Use that feeling as fuel to change: - “I did wrong.” - “I don’t want to repeat this.” - “May I get strength not to react like this again.”

1. Practical Jain way to handle such situations

(a) Before / in normal time Build inner strength before the fight happens: - Daily, even 5–10 minutes: - Take a name like “Shri Arihant Bhagwān” or “Navkār Mantra” slowly, with attention. - Do a short aloyan (self-check): “Where did I get angry today? With whom? How badly?” - Do simple pratikraman for this specific relationship: - “Hey Parmātmā, due to anger and ego I have hurt this relative many times in thought, word and action. I accept my faults and seek strength not to repeat them.”

(b) At the moment of anger (when he scolds you) You may not become perfect, but aim for small changes: - First, do physical control: - Close your mouth. - Look down or away for a few seconds. - Take 3 deep, slow breaths. - In your mind, repeat Navkār Mantra or even just “Shānti, shānti” a few times. - If you must answer, use short, firm, but non‑insulting sentences, for example: - “I understand you are upset. I will think about what you said.” - “Let’s not speak like this right now. We can talk later.”

This way you protect yourself without adding more violence in speech.

(c) After you lose control (if you shout again) - Don’t justify yourself in your mind. That increases ego. - Calm down, and then: - Honestly accept your fault. - If possible, say a simple, direct apology: “I spoke very harshly. That was wrong.” - Do mental pratikraman as soon as you can. This slowly reduces the intensity and frequency of future outbursts.

1. About the crying relative who saw your harshness

- Their tears showed them the pain created by that moment. - The fact that it moved you to cry and apologise is actually a turning point. - From a Jain perspective, this is grace: life gave you a mirror to see your own anger clearly.

1. How to see this elder in a Jain way

Try to bring this vision slowly: - “He is a soul covered with heavy karmas and old habits, just like I am.” - “Today he is my relative, but truly he is a jiv moving through many lives.” - “Let me at least not add more poison from my side.”

This doesn’t mean you must emotionally trust him or be close. It means you reduce inner hatred.

1. Simple daily practice (very small but powerful)

Every night, before sleeping, think specifically of him for a minute: - Recall: “Where did I get angry with him today (even only in my mind)?” - Join your hands mentally and say: - “I may have hurt you in thought, word or action. I ask for forgiveness.” - Recite Navkār Mantra once with this feeling.

Doing this daily, even if you still sometimes fail, starts changing deep karmic connections.

1. Do not hate yourself

Jain dharma is very clear: - Kasāya (anger, ego etc.) are your enemies, - You, the conscious soul, are not your enemy. Work to reduce anger strongly, but with patience and kindness towards yourself. Change is step‑by‑step.

If you wish, I can next outline a very short, fixed 5–7 minute daily pratikraman focused only on anger and this one relationship, which you can follow every day.