1. Can only thinking of killing someone bind karma?

Yes. In Jain dharma, bhāva (inner intention) is the main cause of karmic bondage.

• If you repeatedly think, with intense anger and cruelty, “I want to kill her by hitting her head,”

even if you never actually do it, this is bhāva–hiṁsā (internal violence).

• Such thoughts definitely bind pāpa karma (especially ghāti karmas like mohanīya, vedanīya etc.).

So, only the thought itself, if nourished with strong hatred and for a long time, does bind karma.

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1. Does this definitely become “nikachit” karma?

Here we must be very clear and honest according to Jain siddhānta:

• Nikachit karma means a very fixed, unchangeable karmic result, which must be suffered in a particular way and cannot be avoided, only fully experienced and finished.
• Such karmas are generally the result of very intense, very deep, and often repeated passions, usually over long time and often across lives, with mithyātva (wrong belief).

But:

• Only a Kevalī Bhagwān can truly know which karma is nikachit for a specific soul.
• From our level, we cannot say with certainty: “Yes, this particular thought you had has surely become nikachit karma.”

What we can say safely from Jain doctrine:

• Your prolonged cruel thoughts definitely bound bad karma.
• Whether that portion is nikachit or non‑nikachit is not knowable by us; it is not decided by a single rule like “6 years of angry thoughts = nikachit.”

You can read a simple explanation of how nikachit karma is bound here

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1. Can a samyagdrishti jīv have such cruel thoughts?

Yes, up to a point, it is possible.

• Samyagdarshan (right faith) does not mean that anger, hatred, jealousy etc. disappear in one day.
• Up to 8th–10th guṇasthān, even samyagdrishti souls still have kaṣāya (passions) in coarse or subtle form.
• A person can be samyagdrishti, yet sometimes:

- feel anger, - feel revenge, - have violent thoughts — but such a person regrets it, feels inner shame, and wants to come out of it.

So:

• If at that time you were mithyadrishti, then those thoughts were from wrong belief + strong anger.
• If later you attained some level of samyagdarshan, still old sanskārs can arise for some time, but:

- frequency reduces, - intensity reduces, - and there is strong regret and repentance.

Therefore, having such thoughts does not automatically prove “you cannot be samyagdrishti.” What matters is your present drishti, present bhāva, and present effort.

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1. How serious was what you did (in thought)?

Let us see it step by step:

• Cause: You were beaten by your teacher in class. That is a real hurt.
• Effect in you: From that hurt, you developed deep animosity and repeated cruel imaginations of killing her by hitting her head.
• Duration: These thoughts stayed with you for several years, with high intensity at the start.
• Nature of bhāva:

- anantanubandhi‑type anger (very binding type of anger), - repeated inner visualization of violence, - enjoyment of the idea that she is hurt.

From Jain point of view:

• This is pāpa‑bhāva and it binds heavy karmas related to:

- hiṁsā (violence), - mohanīya karma (deluding), - asātā‑vedanīya (pain‑giving experience).

But again:

• Whether some part of this became nikachit cannot be judged by us.
• Do not torture yourself with “Did I definitely bind nikachit or not?”

That is unknowable and not spiritually helpful.

What is helpful is:

> “Today, can I change my bhāva so that I don’t bind more such karma, and gradually lighten the old ones?”

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1. You apologised and sought forgiveness – how does that affect karma?

You wrote that about 3 years ago you:

• mentally apologised to your teacher,
• sincerely sought forgiveness,
• stopped nurturing those revengeful thoughts.

This is extremely important from Jain dharma:

1. Pratikraman (repentance / looking back at faults)

- Accepting: “What I did in thought was wrong.” - Feeling genuine shame and regret (lājjā, garhā). - This weakens the bond of already‑bound karma.

1. Pratyākhyān (firm resolve)

- Deciding: “From now on, I will not think cruelly like this about anyone.” - This stops new karmas of the same type from binding.

1. Kṣamā & Maitrī bhāva

- When you truly wish well even for the one who hurt you, - and feel, “They were just an instrument of my own past karma,” - this creates puṇya bhāva and burns the old bitterness.

So, your mental apology, if done sincerely, is spiritually very meaningful. It does not magically erase all past karma, but:

• it reduces the intensity,
• it prevents fresh heavy bondage,
• and it turns your soul in the right direction.

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1. What should you do now, practically?

To move ahead cleanly and with peace, you can follow simple Jain steps:

1. Do regular pratikraman

- Daily, or at least often, quietly recall: - “I had very bad thoughts for my teacher. It was wrong. I ask for forgiveness.” - If you follow a tradition, do devo‑pratikraman, sāmāyik pratikraman, or at least a small personal one at night.

1. Consciously bless that teacher now

- Whenever the memory comes, shift the thought to: - “I forgive her; may she progress; may both our karmas get light.” - This directly opposes old hatred and slowly cleans that karmic knot.

1. See it as your own karma’s result

- Jain viewpoint: - “No one can hurt me without my own past karmas being the cause.” - Your teacher was an instrument, not the ultimate cause. - This understanding reduces anger and increases equanimity (samatā).

1. Cultivate ahiṁsā in daily life now

- Be extra careful not to hurt: - family, colleagues, animals, even small beings, - by word, action, or thought. - Every small step in ahiṁsā now balances the old hiṁsā‑bhāva.

1. Strengthen samyagdarshan & Jain study

- Listen to pravachans, read basic Jain texts, think repeatedly: - “I am a pure soul, separate from anger, hatred, revenge.” - As right faith deepens, such extreme thoughts naturally lose their power.

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1. About guilt and fear now

Feeling regret is good. Being stuck in fear and self‑hatred is not useful.

From Jain perspective:

• You did bind bad karma through those years of violent thoughts.
• You have already started reversing the direction by:

- apologising, - seeking forgiveness, - asking these questions with awareness.

What matters most is:

• Your present bhāva,
• Your honest effort not to repeat,
• Your practice of kṣamā, maitri, and samatā.

If you walk sincerely on this path:

• Even if some part of past karma is strong,
• Your inner state will become lighter, calmer, and more purified,
• And that is exactly what Jain dharma aims at.

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Summary in very simple words

• Yes, only thinking of brutally killing someone for years does bind heavy pāpa karma.
• Whether that became nikachit cannot be known by us; only a Kevalī knows such detail.
• A samyagdrishti jīv can still have bad thoughts, but feels regret and tries to improve.
• Your apology and asking forgiveness were very important and have helped weaken that karma.
• Now focus on:

- regular pratikraman, - forgiveness towards the teacher, - strong ahiṁsā and samatā in present life.

This is the right Jain way to heal, purify, and move forward.