I will answer in two parts:

1. About your specific incident and guilt
2. About samyak‑darshan / samkit and whether a samyagdrishti can do what you did

---

1. About your incident

From what you wrote, the main points are:

• You intentionally damaged the ludo board out of anger.
• You lied when asked.
• When your friend told the truth, you felt betrayed and developed strong hatred.
• For many years you:

- justified your anger - could not forgive him - even when he tried to reconcile, you refused

• Only recently you:

- clearly saw “It was my mistake from the beginning” - felt genuine remorse - apologized internally, did meditation, and accepted your fault

According to Jain dharma, what are the main karmic issues here?

1. Himsa (violence / destruction) – damaging someone’s property with anger is a form of bhaav‑hinsa (violent intention).
2. Asatya (untruth) – lying to hide the act.
3. Krodh, maan, māyā, lobh – especially:

- Krodh (anger) - Maan (ego; “I can’t accept being exposed”)

1. Dveṣh (hatred / enmity) – keeping strong inner hatred and “enemy feeling” for years.

All this is karma‑bandh, no doubt. But two very important things:

• You have now recognized clearly: “It was my mistake; I was blinded by anger and ego.”
• You have genuine repentance and wish to change.

In Jainism, this change of inner state is extremely significant.

Pratikraman‑view

Traditionally, for such a past act one does:

1. Alochana – honestly “confessing” the fault in front of Bhagwan / Guru / within samayik:

- “I damaged a friend’s game in anger, lied, and then hated him for many years. This is my fault.”

1. Pratikraman – mentally going back over those wrong bhaavs and turning away from them.
2. Pratyakhyan – resolving:

- “From now on, I will not knowingly harm others’ things in anger, nor lie to protect my ego, nor keep long‑term hatred.”

You have already started this process in your own way through meditation and inner apology. That is a very good step in Jain terms.

If possible in practical life:

• If you meet him again, a simple, truthful apology (“I was wrong back then”) would be very purifying.
• Even if you never meet, regularly send maitri‑bhaav in your mind:

- “Mitr‑bhaav, priy‑bhaav, madhyasth‑bhaav – may he be happy; I have no enmity.”

This weakens the old dveṣh‑karma.

---

2. Can a samyagdrishti do all this?

Your main doubt is:

> “If I am a samyagdrishti jīva, could it have been possible for me to do all this – hatred, ego, not accepting fault for years – while at the same time having deep faith, interest in dharma, desire for tīrthankar‑pada, etc.?”

To answer, we must understand what samyak‑darshan / samkit is, in simple Jain terms.

What is samyak‑darshan (samkit)?

In Jainism:

• Samyak‑darshan / samkit means:

- Right faith / right perception in the true principles (tattvas) – soul, karma, bondage, liberation, and the path shown by Tirthankars. ( jainknowledge.com)

• It is mainly about:

- what you believe deeply, - what you accept as true, - where your inner trust rests (Dev, Guru, Dharma).

It is not the same as:

• “I never get angry anymore”
• “I never make mistakes”

In the kṣayopasham samyak‑darshan state (the common samkit for worldly souls), mohaniya karma is only partially subdued, not completely destroyed. That means:

• Wrong beliefs are broken, but
• Anger, pride, deceit, greed, likes–dislikes, etc. can still arise, sometimes even strongly.

This is clearly accepted in both Digambar and Shvetambar traditions. Only in kṣāyik samyak‑darshan (very high state, near keval‑jnan) are those deluding karmas fully destroyed.

So, from Jain siddhant:

> Yes, a samyagdrishti can still: > - get angry > - feel hatred > - act wrongly > - persist in ego for some time

The key difference is:

• A mithyādrishti (wrong‑believer) does not truly accept the Jain path as true, or has deep doubts about the tattvas.
• A samyagdrishti may still fall, but:

- inside, he believes: - “Pañch Parmeshti, Jain tattvas, and moksha‑marg are true.” - When he really sees his own fault, his heart melts, he repents, and he turns back to dharma.

You described:

• Deep faith in Pañch Parmeshti
• Desire for moksha / Tirthankar‑pada
• Interest in dharma, even thinking of dīkshā
• And now, sincere acceptance: “I was wrong; ego and anger blinded me.”

These are all signs of awakening and softening of mohaniya karma, not signs against samkit.

So your past behaviour does not automatically prove “I cannot be samyagdrishti.” What it proves is:

• Your samkit / dharma‑inclination was still immature and weak at that time.
• Strong raag‑dveṣh were still very active.

This is normal in a worldly soul even after the first flash of true faith.

---

What to do now – Jain way (very simple steps)

1. Do formal (or mental) pratikraman for this incident

- Describe the fault before Bhagwan exactly as it happened (no excuses). - Feel real lajjā (healthy shame) and anutāp (regret). - Take a small pratyakhyan, e.g.: - “I will not break others’ things in anger.” - “I will not keep hatred for so long; I will try to forgive faster.”

1. Strengthen maitri‑bhaav

- Daily for a few minutes: - remember him and all beings and think: - “Michchhāmi Dukkaḍam – I forgive all; may all forgive me; may all be happy.” - This is very aligned with Jain pramatta‑samayik spirit.

1. Use this guilt constructively, not destructively

- Do not keep repeating: “I am horrible; everything is ruined.” - Instead think: - “This incident has shown me clearly how dangerous anger and ego are. Let me now walk more carefully on the path.”

1. Deepen samkit / right faith

- Regular svādhyāy on: - nature of jīva, karma, kashāy, samkit, samyak‑charitra ( jainknowledge.com) - Remember: even with samkit, purification is gradual. - Your present clarity and pain can become a strong spiritual turning point.

---

Summary in one line

Yes, a jīva who has (or later attains) samyak‑darshan can still, under strong mohaniya‑karma, behave exactly as you described; what matters now is the honest realization, repentance, and steady effort to live with ahiṁsā, truth, and maitri from today onward.

If you wish to read more on samyak‑darshan / samkit and the three jewels, you can see a simple explanation here and here .