You are describing a very real inner struggle, and in Jain dharma this is taken very seriously – not as “small” just because it’s old. A two‑year‑old insult can keep hurting us for many years if the kashāyas (passions) behind it are still alive.

Let’s see this clearly in a Jain way, and then I’ll give you some very practical steps.

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1. What is really hurting you now?

From Jain view, the incident with the teacher is over. What is active today is:

• Krodh (anger) – “I was wronged, I should have replied.”
• Mān (ego/pride) – “How could she talk to me like that?”
• Rāga–dveṣa (attachment–aversion) – attachment to your self‑image, aversion to that memory.

So every time you replay it in your mind:

• New karmas flow in (āsrava),
• They bind because of passion (bandha),
• You again feel hurt – even though the teacher is not in front of you now.

In other words: Today’s suffering is coming much more from today’s thoughts than from that past event.

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2. “I only suppress, I don’t destroy anger” – why this happens

You’re very honest in saying this. In Jain language:

• Suppressing (“I will not say anything, but inside I am boiling”)

= just holding the anger; the krodh‑kashāy is still there.

To destroy or weaken anger, three things are needed:

1. Right understanding (samyak darshan/gnān):

Seeing clearly: “This is my own karma’s fruit; the teacher was just a nimitta (instrument).”

1. Inner forgiveness (kṣamā):

Not just forcing silence, but truly wishing no ill for her.

1. Repeated practice:

Old impressions (sanskar) don’t dissolve in one day; we have to work on them many times.

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3. The thought “I should have answered her back” – Jain view

This thought seems small, but spiritually it is dangerous because:

• It justifies anger: “My anger was right; I only made a mistake by staying silent.”
• It keeps the wound open: every time you agree with that thought, the hurt becomes fresh again.
• It feeds mān‑kashāy (ego/pride): “I must prove I am not small.”

From Jain perspective:

• Answering back with anger, even “appropriately”,

would have increased krodh, mān and karmic bondage – not reduced your pain.

• Remaining outwardly quiet but inwardly burning is also not ideal,

but it is still less harmful than exploding in harsh speech.

So what really needs correction now is not the past silence, but today’s inner story about that incident.

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4. A healthier Jain way to reframe that incident

When the memory comes, gently tell yourself:

• “At that time I was not able to respond wisely.

That was my limitation then; it does not define me now.”

• “Her harsh words were my uday karma (fruition of past karma).

She was a nimitta. If not her, that karma would have come through someone else.”

• “By not shouting back, at least I avoided creating more heavy karma that day.”

This way, instead of “I should have replied back,” the new inner line becomes:

> “I will use this painful memory to grow in forgiveness and humility now.”

That is very much in line with Jain dharma.

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5. Practical steps to slowly dissolve this anger

(a) Maitrī‑bhāvanā (friendliness meditation)

Once a day, for 5–10 minutes:

1. Sit quietly, close eyes, take a few soft breaths.
2. Bring your teacher’s image to mind.
3. Silently repeat 3–5 times:

- “I forgive you for whatever happened.” - “If I made any mistake by thought, word or deed, knowingly or unknowingly, micchāmi dukkaḍaṃ – I ask for forgiveness.” - “May you be peaceful, may I be peaceful.”

At first this may feel false or forced. That is ok. Continue – Jain acharyas say right bhāvanā done repeatedly changes karma and sanskār.

You can read more on anger and kashāyas here and a related sutra here

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(b) Short pratikraman for this specific incident

Whenever the memory comes strongly, do a 1–2 minute inner pratikraman:

1. Recall: “I am remembering that day; again anger and ego are rising.”
2. Repent: “Due to my ignorance I am still holding this grudge.

This is not good for my soul.”

1. Forgive & ask forgiveness:

- “Teacher, from my side I forgive you.” - “If I have had ill thoughts or inner abuse towards you, micchāmi dukkaḍaṃ.”

1. Resolve: “Next time I face such a situation, I will respond with calmness and self‑respect, not with anger.”

This transforms a painful memory into a spiritual exercise each time it arises.

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(c) Take care of self‑respect without revenge

Forgiveness in Jainism does not mean:

• “I am weak.”
• “I deserved that insult.”
• “I should always allow people to shout at me.”

It means:

• “I will protect my soul from krodh and mān.”
• “If a similar situation comes again,

I will speak firmly but calmly, without insult, without revenge.”

You can even prepare one or two gentle but strong sentences for future situations, like:

• “Teacher, I want to learn, but when I am scolded harshly, I feel shut down.

Could you please explain calmly so I can understand better?”

This way, future you is protected, and present you does not need to fantasize: “I should have blasted her.”

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(d) Watch the mind like an observer

When the movie of that event starts again:

1. Notice: “Right now, this is just a thought and a body sensation.”
2. Observe the heat in chest, tightness in face, without reacting.
3. Tell yourself: “I am jivātmā, pure knower and seer.

This anger is a passing state, not my true nature.”

Even 10–20 seconds of this pure “seeing” weakens the kashāy.

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6. Be patient with yourself

• Two years of carrying this hurt means the imprint is deep.

It will not vanish in two days.

• But every time you:

- replace “I should have replied” with “I will grow through this,” - do even a small pratikraman, - practice maitri‑bhāvanā for her,

you are actually doing krodh‑nivāraṇ (reduction of anger) and weakening mān‑kashāy.

In Jain dharma, this steady inner work is far more valuable than one moment of outward “smart reply.”

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Very short daily routine you can try

Morning or night, 5–10 minutes:

1. 3 slow breaths, remember yourself as jivātmā.
2. Recall that incident once, do the 4‑step mini‑pratikraman above.
3. Do 1 minute of maitri‑bhāvanā for:

- yourself, - your teacher, - all beings.

1. End with Navkār Mantra, with special focus on kṣamā (forgiveness) and vinay (humility).

If you keep this up for a few weeks, you will still remember the event, but the heat and pull of it will slowly reduce. That is the real sign that anger is not just suppressed, but getting purified.