I will answer from traditional Jain karma theory and keep it simple and honest.

First, a few key truths:

1. Yes, only “thinking” violent thoughts can bind very heavy karma.

- In Jainism, mind, speech and body are all equally real sources of karma. - Intense rāga–dveṣa (attachment–hatred) with pleasure in cruelty, pride, and strong identification is exactly the condition for ghora (very grave) mohaniya‑karma to bind. ( jainknowledge.com)

1. Whether it becomes “nikachit” or not is NOT decided by one rule like “if I think X then always nikachit”.

- Nikachit bondage depends on degree and continuity of passions, inner insistence, and many past karmas. - Scriptures do not say: “If you imagine killing someone brutally, automatically nikachit.” Rather: the more intense, long-lasting, and justified the passion, the more tight (up to nikachit) the bondage can become. ( jainknowledge.com)

1. A samyag‑dṛṣṭi can still have bad thoughts – but not with full approval and justification.

- Samyak‑darshan means right vision / right faith, not total destruction of passions. - Up to quite high gunasthānas, kashāyas (anger, pride, etc.) still arise, but the samyag‑dṛṣṭi does not accept them as correct; he knows “this is wrong, this is harmful.” ( jainknowledge.com)

Now, about your specific situation:

1. What actually happened (spiritually) when you had those thoughts?

You describe:

• Sustained intention with pleasure in imagining killing your teacher
• No repentance at that time
• Strong identification – “I am right to do this, she deserves it”
• Pride / justification in hatred and cruelty
• This lasted for years (6 years), with strong intensity initially
• Only 3 years ago you started to mentally apologize and seek forgiveness

From Jain karma view, this is exactly the pattern that:

• Creates very strong mohaniya karma (especially anger and hatred),
• With long duration (sthiti) and high intensity (anubhāga) because:

- It was repeated, - Carried pleasure in violence, - Backed by justification (“I am right to think this”). ( jainknowledge.com)

Whether this particular bundle became nikachit or only gāḍha / nidhatta – no one except kevalī can exactly see. We can only say:

• The conditions were serious, not light.
• But you later reduced them by:

- Realizing “this is spiritually harmful,” - Letting go of the justification, - Doing mental prāyaścitta (repentance and forgiveness), - Stopping to enjoy those thoughts.

And Jain doctrine clearly says: sthiti and anubhāga of many karmas can be reduced, even after bondage, by repentance, change of attitude, austerities, etc. ( jainknowledge.com)

So:

• Yes, serious karma was bound by those years of hatred and violent imagination.
• But you have already started weakening and cleaning it through regret and forgiveness.

2. Can only thinking of killing (without doing) bind nikachit karma?

Important points:

• Mind alone is enough to bind heavy karma if:

- There is clear intention, - Enjoyment in the thought, - Strong kashāya (anger, vengeance, cruelty), - And continued approval of that inner state. ( jainknowledge.com)

• Scripture examples often speak of bhāva (inner state) as more important than the external act.

But:

• Nikachit is a technical category of bondage: karmas that cannot be changed in duration/intensity or pre‑matured etc. ( jainknowledge.com)
• Whether a specific inner act crosses the line into nikachit is not knowable by us in detail; it depends on:

- Past karmas, - Multiple lives of tendencies, - Exact measure of kashāya.

So the honest Jain answer is:

• Yes, only thinking with that kind of violent, proud enjoyment can potentially lead to very tight (even nikachit) bondage.
• But we cannot be certain that “this episode definitely created nikachit karma” in your case.

What matters for you now is: Do not continue the state that creates such bondage. You have already begun turning away from it.

3. Can a samyag‑dṛṣṭi soul have such cruel thoughts?

Step by step:

1. Samyak‑darshan does not mean ‘no bad thoughts ever arise.’

- Up to the 4th–7th gunasthānas, anger, pride, etc. can still arise. - Difference is: the person gradually stops supporting, justifying, and enjoying them. ( jainknowledge.com)

1. Signs of samyak‑darshan include:

- Respect and faith in Tirthankars’ teaching, - Acceptance of karma, rebirth, non‑violence, - Desire to walk toward self‑control, - Regret when one knowingly goes against dharma.

1. In your own description, even during those thoughts, somewhere inside:

- A thought came: “Don’t think of such things, it’s harmful, can bind Mahā‑mohaniya karma.” - That indicates: - Some awareness of Jain truth, - A voice of viveka (discrimination) still working.

Then later:

• You mentally apologized,
• Accepted that your hatred was wrong,
• Sought forgiveness of that teacher in your heart,
• Are now seriously reflecting on karma and samyak‑darshan.

This pattern fits samyag‑dṛṣṭi in struggle with strong old passions – not someone who is proudly settled in wrong belief.

So:

• Yes, a samyag‑dṛṣṭi can have such terrible, shameful thoughts arise – especially when deeply hurt –
• But, over time, he stops agreeing with them, feels real remorse, and moves towards forgiveness and equanimity. That is exactly what you are doing.

4. Does your past hatred cancel your samyak‑darshan?

From Jain perspective:

• What spoils samyak‑darshan is accepting false beliefs, denying karma, denying Tirthankars, etc.
• Having strong anger and revenge is mostly a defect of charitra (conduct), not necessarily of darshan, if:

- You still accept that “this is wrong according to dharma,” - You do not philosophically justify violence as a good path, - You finally repent and correct yourself. ( jainknowledge.com)

So your situation looks like:

• In those years: very strong charitra‑mohaniya (anger, hatred), grave mistake.
• But in deeper layer, you did not reject Jain principles, and now you are honestly trying to purify.

Therefore, it is still possible you are samyag‑dṛṣṭi, going through a painful karmic phase where old hatred surfaced strongly and is now being washed out through awareness and repentance.

Only an omniscient can say your exact gunasthān, but from doctrine:

• Your current remorse,
• Your fear of mohaniya karma,
• Your wish to walk on the right path,
• All are signs pushing toward samyak‑darshan, not away from it.

5. What to do now – practical Jain way to heal this

According to Jain dharma, the right response now is not to freeze in guilt, but to purify bhāva:

1. Sincere Pratikraman

- Daily if possible: - Recall: “I had thoughts of violence and hatred toward my teacher.” - From the heart say: - “Jo maine man, vachan, kāyā se any jīvon ko dukh pahunchāyā ho, janan‑ajanan, micchā mi dukkadam.” - Accept: “I was wrong. This is not the path of Jain dharma.”

1. Kṣamā‑bhāvanā (forgiveness and asking forgiveness)

- Visualize the teacher in front of you. - Gently bow in your mind: - “I forgive you for what you did; it was the fruit of my own karma. Please also forgive me for my hatred and thoughts of harm.” - Repeat this regularly until the inner burning reduces.

1. Maitrī‑bhāvanā

- Cultivate thoughts like: - “May all beings, including that teacher, move toward peace, right understanding and liberation.”

1. Samayik when anger rises ( jainknowledge.com)

- Sit for some time as pure knower‑seer (gnātā‑drashtā): - See: “Anger, revenge‑images are just udaya of old karma, not my real nature.” - Let them pass like clouds; do not hold or enjoy them.

1. Trust in karma‑nirjarā

- Accept: “By my repentance, forgiveness, restraint, and awareness, the earlier karmas’ duration and intensity can be reduced (except those that are truly nikachit, which only kevalī can know).” ( jainknowledge.com)

You can read a simple explanation of karma and its purification here: You can read more here

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Summary in plain words:

• Yes, such intense, repeated cruel thoughts do bind heavy karma.
• Mind alone, with hatred and enjoyment, is enough for very serious bondage.
• We cannot say with certainty “this is nikachit” in an individual case.
• A samyag‑dṛṣṭi can still have such thoughts arise under strong hurt, but he does not ultimately support them; he repents and purifies – as you are doing now.
• Your present remorse, forgiveness practice, and fear of binding mohaniya karma are strong signs of spiritual awakening, not proof that you are lost.

Keep steadily doing pratikraman, kṣamā, maitrī and samayik. Let this painful episode become a cause of deep nirjarā and spiritual growth, not life‑long fear.