I’ll reply in simple points so it is easy to follow.

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1. Can Tirthankar‑naam‑gotra be bound in 5th ārā?

First, about time‑cycle (kāl‑chakra):

• In one half‑cycle (avasarpinī or utsarpinī) there are 6 ārās.
• In our Bharat kṣetra, we are now in 5th ārā (duḥṣam‑duḥṣam).

According to Jain scriptures:

• Tirthankars only take birth in 3rd and 4th ārā of each half‑cycle in a kṣetra like Bharat.
• In 5th and 6th ārā of Bharat kṣetra:

- No Tirthankar is born. - No one attains keval‑jñān or moksha from here.

• So, from Bharat kṣetra in 5th ārā, no new Tirthankar‑nāma‑karma is generally said to be bound now, and no one will become a Tirthankar here in this era.

But remember:

• The universe is infinite, with many kṣetras (like Mahāvideh, etc.).
• In Mahāvideh kṣetra, time conditions are different; there are living Tirthankars even “now”.
• Your present efforts here can still:

- Make you bind very high śubha (auspicious) karmas, - Reach stages from where, in future births, in better time/place, Tirthankar‑nāma‑karma can be bound.

So, simple answer:

> In our present 5th ārā of Bharat kṣetra, Tirthankar does not arise, and Tirthankar‑nāma‑karma is not ordinarily bound here now. > But your effort is never wasted; it prepares your soul for higher states and, in the right time-place, even Tirthankar‑bhav.

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2. About abhavya jīva and your fear “Am I abhavya?”

Definition in short:

• Bhavya jīva – soul that will attain moksha some time in the infinite future.
• Abhavya jīva – soul that will never attain moksha, even in infinite time.

Scriptures talk of such a class mainly from a dravyārth (absolute) view. But for us practical people:

• We can never know about any specific soul: “you are abhavya, you are bhavya”.
• Our duty is to always think: “I am bhavya, I can attain moksha.”

Now look at your own description:

• You felt deep attraction to Jain Dharma.
• You developed śraddhā that “Jain Dharma is true”.
• You have intense desire for moksha and even for Tirthankar‑bhav.
• You feel karuṇā for all jīvas.
• You do guru‑vandana, pratikraman, aloyan, vosirāmi, micchāmi dukkadam.
• You feel pain when a wrong thought comes.

All these are clear signs of a bhavya jīva, not an abhavya one.

There is also a very clear Jain teaching (explained simply here: ):

> Every soul has the potential to become Siddha. No restriction of country, caste, or present religion.

So please do not stamp yourself as “abhavya”. That fear itself is mithyā‑bhāva (false imagination) which only creates sadness.

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3. Your violent intrusive thoughts about Tirthankars, sadhus, jīvas

You wrote that when you are deeply in dharma‑bhāva, suddenly thoughts come like:

• harming or killing Tirthankar Bhagwān
• giving dukh to sadhus, kevalis
• killing living beings, etc.

And:

• You do not want these thoughts.
• The moment they come, you feel shock, guilt, pain.
• You immediately do vosirāmi, micchāmi dukkadam, aloyikā paṭh, and self‑criticise.
• You have been in tension for hours because of them.

This is very important to understand correctly.

3.1. What is really happening karmically?

In Jain dharma, karmic bondage depends mainly on:

1. Intention (bhāva) – do you enjoy or encourage these thoughts, or do you hate them and wish they stop?
2. Duration – how long you stay in that wrong state.
3. Intensity – how strong your passions (anger, pride, deceit, greed) become with that thought.
4. Preparation and action – just a flash thought vs. planning vs. doing.

In your case:

• The thought arises like a disturbance,
• You do not support it,
• You immediately feel repentance and fear,
• You do pratikraman and aloyikā.

So:

• This is mostly the uday (rising) of some old karmas with bad images/content.
• Because you don’t approve them and you repent quickly,

→ the new bondage is very light, sometimes almost like sañjvalan or mild form only.

• What would create heavy karma is:

- Enjoying them, - Repeating them voluntarily, - Planning or actually doing violence with pleasure or hatred.

You are doing exactly opposite of that.

So no, these thoughts by themselves will not make your saṃsār infinite. What will really harm is:

• continuous despair,
• thinking “I am bad, I am doomed,”
• leaving dharma out of fear.

Those are more dangerous than the passing thoughts.

3.2. Why such thoughts often come during religious focus?

Many people in all traditions experience this:

• When the mind concentrates on something very pure (Tirthankar, Navkār, pratikraman),
• Old negative saṃskārs/karmic images sometimes jump up in opposite form,
• This is called kind of “pratipakṣ‑bhāva” or karmic urodh.

From Jain view:

• It can be seen as uday of leśyā/kashāy karmas getting exhausted.
• Your awareness + repentance actually burns them faster.

So, instead of thinking, > “Because I do dharma, these thoughts come, so I am bad,”

try to think, > “Old dirt is coming out; I will watch it, not own it, and let it pass with pratikraman.”

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4. What about Tirthankar‑bhāva and your wish “First I will liberate all, then myself”?

Your desire is very beautiful:

• “I want to help all jīvas first, then go to moksha.”
• This is param karuṇā‑bhāva, very near to Tirthankar‑bhāva.

But remember:

• Tirthankar‑nāma‑karma is extremely rare, bound with:

- highest dān, śīl, tapa, bhakti, and aparigraha, - with sarvajiva‑hit‑icchā (desire for welfare of all), - and without pride – no “I must be special”.

So you can keep this as a soft, humble wish:

> “If it is possible according to my karmas, let me walk towards such a state. But at minimum, let me surely attain samyak‑darshan and one day moksha.”

Do not torture yourself with:

• “If I get these bad thoughts, I cannot be Tirthankar.”
• “If I miss guru‑vandana, everything is lost.”

In Jain Dharma, every single good bhāva is stored in your soul. Nothing is wasted.

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5. Practical guidance for you (very simple)

5.1. When bad thoughts arise

1. Do not panic immediately.

Just notice: “This is a thought, not my true ātmā.”

1. Very softly, say inside:

- “Vosirāmi” (I stop this) - “Micchāmi dukkadam” (If any fault, may it be fruitless and forgiven)

1. Take 2–3 deep, slow breaths, bring mind back to:

- Navkār mantra, or - Image of vītarāg bhagwān in shānta form.

1. Do not keep replaying the guilt scene again and again for hours.

After genuine regret, leave it to karma and focus on present right effort.

5.2. Daily routine that will really help

As much as your situation allows:

• Navkār mantra with understanding, not mechanical.
• Short samayik – even 12 minutes of sitting quietly, observing breath, or remembering “I am shuddha ātmā”.
• Regular pratikraman – even a small one, daily or at least on important days.
• Study simple Jain texts from authentic sources, very slowly, with understanding.
• Maintain good company (satsaṅg) – physically or through books/audios of true sādhus/āchāryas.

All this will:

• Reduce fear and guilt,
• Increase clarity about karma,
• Make these intrusive thoughts less frequent and weaker.

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6. Final reassurance

• Having dirty or violent thoughts is not equal to being a violent person.
• In Jainism, what finally matters is:

- your deep intention, - your overall direction of life.

Your direction is very clear:

• You love Jain Dharma,
• You want moksha,
• You feel karuṇā for all,
• You are scared of even mentally hurting Tirthankars or sādhus.

This is not the nature of an abhavya jīva.

So:

• Do not label yourself negatively.
• Continue your path calmly – small, steady, sincere steps.
• Let thoughts come and go; you remain with Navkār, pratikraman, and right understanding.

If you keep walking like this, your saṃsār does not become infinite because of these thoughts; rather, it shortens with each moment of true awareness and repentance.