What you experienced is very precious in Jain Dharma.

In simple Jain terms, this is mainly:

1. Saṁvega (संवेग / संवेग भाव)

- Deep shock and awakening when you see the reality of saṁsār. - You suddenly see that life is: birth → study → marriage → money → worries → old age → death and nothing really goes with you except karma. - This shock turns inside as a question: “What am I doing with this human life?” That intense inner shaking is called saṁvega.

1. Vairāgya (वैराग्य / वैराग्य भाव)

- Disinterest in worldly pleasures and routines. - Feeling, “This has no true meaning, I don’t want to remain stuck in this circle.” - Thinking of dīkṣā, monks, sadhvijīs, simple life, spiritual path – this is vairāgya starting to rise again.

1. Old bhāva sprouting again

- You had a strong wish for dīkṣā 10 years ago. - Due to paristhiti (situations), par-updeś (influence of others), that bhāva became weak or got covered. - Now, seeing that uncle’s death poster, the same seed of vairāgya seems to have sprouted again. - In Jain view, such repeated arising of dīkṣā-bhāva is not ordinary; it often comes from purvābhās (past-life saṁskārs / impressions) and earlier effort in dharma.

1. Why you felt very sad for a few days

- When saṁvega awakens, the heart feels: - “Everyone is running blindly.” - “I also wasted so many years.” - This creates duḥkha mixed with clarity. - That sadness is not depression; it is spiritual pain – seeing the truth of saṁsār and feeling trapped in it. - If guided properly, this pain becomes a strong force for spiritual progress.

1. How to understand this phase spiritually

- Do not think: “I was brainwashed then, or I am confused now.” - Think: - “My inner soul is reminding me of its true goal again.” - In Jain terms, this is like: - smaraṇa of nashvaratā – remembering that everything is perishable. - upsham of rāga-dveṣa – slight cooling of attachments. - This is a very important turning point if you nurture it correctly.

1. What to do with this feeling (practical Jain way)

- Spend some quiet time daily in: - Pratikraman or at least alochanā–pratyākhyān in simple words. - Think deeply: “What is truly mine? What will go with me at death?” - Read or listen to lives of dīkṣā taken mahātmās, Tirthankars, and sadhus–sadhvijīs. - Try to do small renunciations now itself: - simplicity in food, clothes, spending, time on mobile/entertainment. - If possible, sit with a true Jain Āchārya / Sadhu / Sadhviji (of your tradition) and openly share your inner state. They can tell you if this bhāva is stable and how to move ahead—whether towards full dīkṣā or strong śrāvak/śrāvikā life with deep vows.

1. About your doubt: “Had the feelings of ten years back sprouted now?”

- In Jain language we can say: - Yes, your old vairāgya-bhāva has punar-udaya (re-arisen). - Earlier, it was covered by others’ influence and your own attachments. - Now, the darśan of anityatā (seeing someone’s sudden death) broke that cover for some time, so you clearly saw the truth of saṁsār again.

If you can, keep this bhāva alive gently and steadily – through satsang, svādhyāy, and small renunciations. Whether it leads to dīkṣā or to very deep grihasth-dharma, this saṁvega + vairāgya is a great grace in Jain viewpoint.