Your anxiety itself shows that your soul is deeply concerned about its true welfare – that is a very pure thing. But the way it is expressing (as restlessness, tension, “I must know exactly when I’ll get moksh”) is coming from mohaniya karma – attachment and insistence – not from shuddh bhavna.

I’ll keep it very simple and fully within Jain darshan.

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1. Can anyone tell you “in how many births you’ll attain moksh”?

According to Jain Dharma:

• Exact details like:

- “In which birth will I get samyak darshan?” - “In how many births will I attain moksh?” - “Which gati (yoni) next time?” can be known only by: - Kevali Bhagwan (Omniscient), or - Very high-level advanced souls with special avadhi/manahparyaya jnan, etc.

In our present kaal (5th ara of avsarpini), there is no living Kevali, no Tirthankar, no Samavasaran. So in this time, nobody on earth can correctly and surely tell you your exact future births or moksh-timing.

Scripture gives general laws:

• “If you destroy these karmas, follow this path, you will become siddha.”

But not: “You, this person, will get moksh exactly in X births.”

So your mind is asking for something that Jain shastra itself says is not available right now.

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2. Why do you feel such intense anxiety and curiosity?

From Jain view, a few likely reasons:

(a) Strong moksh-icchā mixed with moh

• Deep inside, your jiva is tired of samsar – so it wants freedom.
• That is good: it creates mumukshuta (intense desire for liberation).
• But when this pure desire mixes with:

- fear (“What if I never get moksh?”) - impatience (“I need the guarantee now”) - comparison (“Others may progress faster than me”) it becomes chinta (anxiety) instead of shanti (peaceful longing).

In Jain language:

• Pure moksh-icchā = helps samyak darshan.
• Mixed, disturbed craving = product of mohaniya karma.

(b) Attachment to information instead of transformation

The mind feels: > “If I just know the number of births, then I’ll be calm.”

But Jain dharma says:

• Knowing “how many births” does not change our gunasthan.
• Changing our inner states (kashayas, dravya-bhava) changes our future births.

So the anxiety is the mind trying to control what is not its job:

• Future births = result of karmic law.
• Present effort (purusharth) = your real field of work.

(c) Kaal & desh: we live in a spiritually dark time

In this 5th ara:

• No Tirthankars are born,
• No new Kevalis arise (after Jambu Swami),
• Dharma is present only in a weakened form.

For a sensitive soul, this naturally creates pain: > “There are no living Kevalis, how will I be guided? How will I be sure?”

This dukh itself is mentioned in Jain tradition as a feature of this era. Your heart is simply feeling that dukh more clearly than most.

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3. “No Kevalis now” – should this make you hopeless?

No.

Even though:

• There is no present Kevali,
• We still have:

- Their Agam / scriptures - The Ratnatraya path fully preserved - The living Pancha Parmesthi as refuge (Arihant, Siddha, Acharya, Upadhyay, Sadhu)

Jain dharma is very clear:

• Moksh is still possible in this avasarpini, but:

- Only in specific parts of the time-cycle, - Through very high-level practice, - For souls who reach the higher gunasthans.

We don’t need a current Kevali to start or continue the journey. We walk using:

• Shastra (scripture),
• Acharya’s guidance,
• Our own increasing inner purity.

You can read a clear explanation of moksh and the path here: “Jain Moksh – explain”

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4. What is the right form of moksh-desire?

Jain dharma encourages:

• Strong desire for liberation (mumukshuta)

but in a calm, trusting, surrendered way.

Not:

• “Tell me the exact date & birth, or I can’t be peaceful.”

Rather:

• “I know the law is perfect.

If I truly practice samyak darshan–jnan–charitra, my moksh is guaranteed, whenever the right time comes.”

Think of it like this:

• A student preparing for a big exam:

- Healthy state: “I definitely want to pass; I’ll study sincerely every day.” - Unhealthy state: “Tell me right now what exact rank I’ll get in 3 years; otherwise I can’t study.”

Your soul is already in the healthy zone of wanting moksh. The work now is to remove the unhealthy panic around “exact when/how many births”.

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5. How to gently transform this anxiety into strength

Very practical, Jain-based steps:

(1) Accept: “I cannot know the exact number of births, and that is okay.”

Make this a bhavna:

• “Even if I don’t know the exact future,

I know the Nyay (justice) of karma and truth of Tirthankar’s words. That is enough for my peace.”

This acceptance itself reduces mohaniya karma’s grip.

(2) Shift focus from future counting to present purusharth

Ask only:

• Today:

- Can I reduce a little anger? - Can I soften pride? - Can I avoid one deceit? - Can I loosen one thread of greed?

Each real change in kashaya:

• Changes your karmic stock,
• Pushes you closer to higher gunasthans,
• Brings your moksh nearer – even if you don’t know the exact count.

(3) Strengthen samyak bhavna daily

Simple, short practices:

• Morning/Evening:

- 5–10 minutes of Namokar Mantra with awareness: - Bowing to Arihant & Siddha as truly existing now at Siddhashila. - Mentally say: - “Maro swabhav shuddh chhe. Hu siddh-bhava taraf vadhu chhu.”

• Daily alochana–pratikraman (even in brief form):

- Honestly see today’s faults, - Ask inner forgiveness, - Take a small nischay for tomorrow to do slightly better.

These are classic Jain tools to turn restlessness into grounded progress.

(4) See your anxiety itself as a signal, not as your identity

When the mind starts: > “When will I get moksh, which birth, etc…?”

Gently respond inside:

• “This is mohaniya talking, not my true self.

My real atma is a potential siddha – beyond fear of numbers.”

Just this inner distancing is a step toward dhyana.

(5) Stay in satsang & svadhyay

• Read / listen to:

- Life-stories of Tirthankars and great sadhus, - Clear expositions on karma, gunasthan, moksh.

It reminds the mind:

• Countless souls like us have become siddha.
• The path works. The law is exact.
• My main work is abhyas (practice), not forecasting.

You can also explore more answers on moksh-related topics here:

• On moksh itself
• On liberated soul (siddha)

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6. The comforting truth, in Jain terms

• Your intense concern for your atma-sthiti is not ordinary; it is a sign of punya and spiritual maturity.
• This very chinta for the soul can become:

- either disturbed anxiety (if led by mohaniya), or - steady, powerful mumukshuta (if led by right vision).

Jain dharma guarantees:

1. Every jiva can become siddha.
2. No single moment of sincere purusharth is ever wasted.
3. If you continue to deepen samyak darshan, jnan, charitra, moksh is not a question of ‘if’ – only of ‘when’.

The “when” is hidden from you for your own good, so that your focus remains on inner transformation, not intellectual curiosity.

Try to rest in this thought:

> “I do not know the count of my births. > But with every step of true dharma I am reducing that count, > whether I can see it or not.”

That is the Jain way of trusting the law of karma and the message of the Tirthankaras, while walking steadily toward Siddhashila.