What you are describing is very meaningful in Jain spiritual life.

In Jain Dharma, such a feeling is often understood as vairagya — detachment or dispassion toward worldly life — arising from deep reflection on samsara, the cycle of birth and death. When this feeling becomes strong, steady, and rooted in right understanding, it can lead a soul toward diksha.

1) Why should one take diksha?

In Jainism, diksha is not taken because life is bad. It is taken because one deeply understands that:

• worldly life is temporary
• pleasures are unreliable
• relations are changing
• body is perishable
• karma binds the soul continuously
• only spiritual discipline can lead to true liberation

Diksha is the renunciation of home, possessions, comforts, and worldly identity in order to live fully for:

• ahimsa
• self-restraint
• detachment
• penance
• scriptural study
• meditation
• service to the soul
• liberation (moksha)

In simple words: One takes diksha to stop wandering in samsara and move toward the freedom of the soul.

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2) Main reasons for taking diksha in Jain Dharma

A. To end the cycle of birth and death

The soul has wandered through countless births because of karma. Diksha is one of the highest ways to destroy karma through:

• complete renunciation
• strict vows
• self-control
• austerity
• spiritual awareness

B. To live according to the highest form of ahimsa

A householder, even while practicing Jainism, must still engage in many activities that involve some harm, directly or indirectly. Diksha is the path of maximum non-violence, where life is organized completely around protecting all living beings.

C. To reduce attachment and ego

Worldly life strengthens:

• “mine”
• “my family”
• “my wealth”
• “my status”
• “my achievement”

Diksha cuts through these attachments and trains the soul to rest in pure awareness.

D. To gain uninterrupted spiritual practice

A householder’s duties are many. A dikshit soul dedicates the entire day and life to:

• sadhana
• samayik
• svadhyay
• pratikraman
• meditation
• austerities
• discipline of mind, speech, and body

E. To live for the welfare of the soul, not the body

Jainism teaches that the soul is eternal, while the body is temporary. Diksha shifts the focus from bodily comfort to soul purification.

F. Because of deep inner awakening

Sometimes a person feels that ordinary life no longer satisfies the heart. This is not depression by itself. In Jain terms, it can be the awakening of:

• samyak darshan tendency
• vairagya
• spiritual sensitivity
• remembrance of the soul’s true purpose

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3) What is the feeling in you called?

From a Jain perspective, your experience can be described as a combination of:

1. Vairagya

This is the strongest and most direct word. It means: deep disinterest in worldly pleasures and routines, and a turning of the mind toward the soul.

2. Samsara-bhaya

This means fear or realization of the endless cycle of worldly existence — birth, aging, illness, death, and repeated struggle.

3. Nirveda

This is a very important Jain feeling. It means:

• disillusionment with worldly life
• realization that worldly goals alone do not give true fulfillment
• a sense that worldly life is unstable and ultimately unsatisfactory

4. Samvega

This means spiritual urgency. The soul feels:

• “I must not waste this life”
• “I need to seek the truth now”
• “This worldly pattern is not enough”

5. Jigyasa of the soul

A deeper inner inquiry has awakened:

• What is the purpose of life?
• What is the real self?
• What is beyond routine existence?

So your feeling is not meaningless. In Jain language, it is a sign of inner awakening.

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4) Your experience in light of Jain teachings

You said that:

• 10 years ago you felt intense desire for diksha after reading scriptures
• later that desire faded
• recently, seeing death and reflecting on life again revived something deeper

This is very natural in Jain spiritual progress.

Why did the first feeling fade?

Because worldly impressions are powerful. In Jain philosophy, the soul is influenced by:

• karmic bondage
• attachment
• habits of the mind
• attraction to comfort and social life

So an initial wave of renunciation can become weak if it is not nourished by:

• continuous study
• satsang
• reflection on impermanence
• practice of vows and discipline

Why did the second feeling arise?

Because you encountered marana-bhavana — contemplation of death — directly through experience. Seeing the death poster became a strong reminder of impermanence.

This kind of awakening often creates:

• detachment from routine
• questioning of life’s purpose
• sadness about wasted time
• desire for something permanent and pure

In Jainism, this can be a very auspicious sign if it matures into stable vairagya.

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5) Is this enough reason to take diksha?

The feeling itself is important, but Jain tradition says diksha should not be taken only from emotional shock or temporary discontent.

For diksha, one needs:

• stable vairagya
• deep understanding of Jain principles
• capacity for renunciation
• readiness for vows and discipline
• freedom from confusion
• inner steadiness, not only emotional intensity

Because diksha is not merely leaving the home. It is living with complete discipline of soul-centered life.

So your feeling may be the seed, but it must grow into:

• firm conviction
• sustained detachment
• compassion
• self-control
• humility
• patience
• obedience to guru and sangh discipline

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6) Difference between ordinary sadness and Jain vairagya

It is important to understand this clearly.

Ordinary sadness

May feel like:

• “Life is boring”
• “Nothing is enjoyable”
• “Everything feels empty”
• “I am tired of routine”

This may come and go.

Jain vairagya

Is different. It feels like:

• “Worldly life is temporary and not my final refuge”
• “I want to protect my soul from karmic bondage”
• “I want truth, purity, and liberation”
• “I wish to reduce attachment and live spiritually”

So the true Jain feeling is not mere frustration. It is a clear spiritual turning away from bondage and toward liberation.

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7) What does your realization about life show?

You said you understood that life becomes a repeated cycle of:

• birth
• education
• marriage
• children
• money
• routine
• aging
• death

In Jain philosophy, this is actually a reflection on the nature of samsara.

This realization shows that your mind has begun to see:

• the impermanence of relationships
• the limitation of worldly achievements
• the repetition of karmic life
• the futility of chasing pleasure as the ultimate purpose

This is not a small realization. It is spiritually significant.

But Jain Dharma adds one more step: The purpose is not only to say, “This is empty.” The purpose is to ask:

How do I purify the soul and move beyond it?

That is where diksha becomes relevant.

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8) Why do some souls choose diksha after such realizations?

Because they feel that:

• worldly duties are not the final goal
• material success does not free the soul
• family life, while meaningful, is still limited
• the soul longs for absolute peace
• liberation is worth more than comfort
• the human birth is rare and precious

A person may therefore think:

• “I do not want to postpone spiritual life”
• “I want to use this human birth properly”
• “I want to dedicate this life to moksha”

This is the inner logic of diksha.

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9) But an important Jain caution

Jain Dharma values steadiness over excitement.

A person should not take diksha only because of:

• momentary shock
• disappointment with family life
• fear of death alone
• emotional inspiration
• seeing others’ renunciation
• temporary sadness

Rather, diksha should arise from deep, mature, and lasting vairagya.

The ideal state is when the soul says:

• “I have understood worldly life deeply.”
• “I am not running away from life.”
• “I am choosing the soul consciously.”
• “I am ready for restraint, austerity, and surrender.”

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10) How should you understand your current feeling?

In Jain terms, your feeling may be described as:

• a wake-up call of the soul
• beginning of vairagya
• reflection on marana and samsara
• inner dispassion
• spiritual awakening
• seed of diksha-bhavana
• nirveda with a search for liberation

If it becomes steady and deep, it may mature into true diksha-bhavana — the inner disposition suitable for renunciation.

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11) What is the highest meaning of diksha?

Diksha is not escape. It is elevation.

It means:

• I no longer live for possession
• I no longer live for ego
• I no longer live for sensory pleasure
• I now live for purification
• I live for the soul’s liberation

In Jain philosophy, this is among the noblest choices a jiva can make.

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12) Final understanding of your situation

Your experience is best understood as:

a strong spiritual awakening of vairagya and nirveda, triggered by reflection on death and impermanence, with an earlier dormant desire for diksha now reappearing in a more serious form.

This means your soul is asking a very important Jain question:

“What is the true purpose of human life?”

And Jain Dharma answers:

The purpose is to purify the soul, reduce karma, cultivate detachment, and move toward moksha.

So your feeling is not ordinary confusion. It is a spiritual turning point.

If it is nurtured properly through study, contemplation, vows, satsang, and guidance, it may become the foundation of a very profound Jain path.

If you want, I can next explain in Jain terms:

• the qualification for diksha
• the inner signs that diksha-bhavana is genuine
• or the difference between vairagya, nirveda, and samvega in very simple language.