Answer

What you describe sounds like a mix of vairagya, samvega, and nirveda.

• Samvega: a strong spiritual urgency for moksha
• Nirveda: deep disillusionment with worldly life
• Vairagya: detachment from worldly pleasures and results

So yes, there is a real spiritual stirring in what you felt. But I would say it is not yet complete, steady vairagya. It is a beginning of vairagya, mixed with shock, sadness, fear, and deep emotion.

Explanation

In Jain Dharma, true vairagya is not only feeling that sansar is empty. It is:

• clear understanding that the soul is separate from the body
• seeing worldly life as temporary
• losing attraction to pleasure, praise, money, and status
• gaining inner peace, not despair
• becoming more disciplined, humble, and purposeful

A shock from a death poster can awaken spiritual reflection. That can be a good sign. But if the feeling mainly comes as:

• sadness
• grief
• emotional intensity
• fear of wasting life
• pain of attachment

then it is still in a raw stage. It may be the seed of vairagya, but not fully matured vairagya yet.

Also, your tears for your mother matter. In Jainism, this shows that attachment is still present, which is natural. A true renunciate does not become hard or cold; rather, attachment slowly turns into pure compassion and non-possessiveness.

Spiritual Understanding

Your thought that “I must attain moksha” is noble. Your wish to help others move toward moksha is also very beautiful.

But in Jainism, the path should be walked with:

• steadiness
• right guidance
• patience
• self-study
• inner balance

Diksha is a very sacred step. It should come from deep, stable detachment, not only from repeated shock, disappointment, or temporary disgust with life.

A good way to test your vairagya is to ask:

• Do I still become highly disturbed by praise and criticism?
• Do I still crave comfort, validation, or success?
• Can I remain calm when life does not go my way?
• Do I feel steady inner peace, or only emotional intensity?
• Am I moving toward moksha with discipline, or only running away from pain?

If the answer is that you are still unstable, then the feeling is real, but it still needs purification.

Takeaway

Yes, what you feel is spiritual awakening, and it may be the beginning of true vairagya. But true vairagya is not only “life is futile.” It is “samsar is temporary, so I will walk the path of the soul with peace, discipline, and compassion.”

So your feeling is important, sincere, and meaningful. But before deciding on diksha, it should become stable, calm, and well-rooted in Jain understanding rather than only in sorrow or shock.