Answer

Yes, if you have access to a trustworthy Jain Guru, sadhu, sadhvi, or spiritually mature shravak/shravika, it is good to confess respectfully and seek guidance.

In Jain Dharma, this is not meant to create fear or shame. Confession is connected with ālochana, pratikraman, prāyaścitta, and self-purification.

But please remember: do not fall into hopelessness. A broken vow should become a reason for humility, awareness, and better discipline — not self-hatred.

Explanation

You made promises in strong emotion and enthusiasm, but without fully considering the strength of a 13-year habit. In Jain Dharma, vows should be taken with:

• clear understanding,
• realistic capacity,
• guidance,
• humility,
• and gradual discipline.

For a householder, complete celibacy is a very high discipline. Jain Dharma teaches brahmacharya, but householders usually practice it in a limited and controlled way according to their stage of life, strength, and vows.

So the mistake was not only the lapse itself, but also taking very strict vows and punishments impulsively without proper guidance.

About your promised austerities like pachola or five upwaas for every lapse: do not keep increasing punishment out of guilt. Severe austerity should not be done recklessly. It is better to ask a Guru what prāyaścitta is appropriate for you.

Spiritual Understanding

In Jain Dharma, the deeper issue is not only the physical act, but the inner passions connected with it:

• attachment,
• craving,
• mental indulgence,
• loss of self-control,
• repeated dependency on sensual pleasure.

The path is gradual purification. You can sincerely do:

• ālochana — honest confession,
• pratikraman — repentance and reflection,
• pratyākhyān — taking a careful future restraint,
• japa or smaran of Navkar Mantra,
• swadhyay and satsang,
• small, realistic vows instead of extreme promises.

For example, rather than promising “one full year,” you may take a smaller restraint such as:

• “I will avoid triggers today.”
• “I will maintain purity of thoughts for one day.”
• “I will not watch or read impure content.”
• “I will do pratikraman sincerely if I fall.”

Small truthful vows are spiritually better than big vows repeatedly broken.

Practical Guidance

When you speak to the Guru, be simple and honest. You do not need unnecessary graphic detail. You can say:

“Guruvar, I took a vow in emotion regarding brahmacharya, but due to old habit and lack of self-control, I broke it. I also made strict promises of fasting as punishment. Please guide me with proper prāyaścitta and a realistic discipline.”

Also, because you describe this as an addiction for 13 years, it may help to seek practical support too — such as a counselor or therapist — especially if it feels compulsive and beyond your control. Taking help to reduce addiction is not against Jain Dharma; it can support self-restraint and purity.

Takeaway

Yes, confess to a Guru if possible. Do ālochana with humility, not fear. Do not punish yourself harshly without guidance. Take smaller, realistic vows and walk steadily toward brahmacharya, purity, and self-mastery.