Answer

You are not alone. Many people, especially in today’s social-media and appearance-focused generation, can have mixed thoughts while doing tapasya: some genuine bhaav, some desire for appreciation, and sometimes thoughts about body/weight. The important thing is that you are noticing it honestly. That honesty itself is spiritually valuable.

In Jain Dharma, tapasya is not only about not eating; it is about reducing attachment, ego, craving, and passions. So if you want to do Atthai with bhaav, your goal should not be to “force perfect thoughts,” but to keep gently bringing your intention back to purification of the soul.

Explanation

Before and during Atthai, you can set a simple inner intention:

• “I am not doing this for praise.”
• “I am not doing this to look a certain way.”
• “I am doing this to reduce attachment to taste, body, ego, and comfort.”
• “May this tapasya help my soul move toward samyak bhaav.”

Mixed motives do not mean your bhaav is fake. It means your inner world is still being purified. Jain Dharma teaches that attachment, pride, and desire for recognition are part of the bondage-causing tendencies we are trying to reduce. Seeing them clearly is the first step.

A practical way to shift your mind:

• Do not announce it unnecessarily. If possible, keep your tapasya quiet and simple.
• Avoid checking your body/weight during tapasya. This helps reduce body-centered thinking.
• Do svadhyay daily. Read or listen to Jain teachings during the fast.
• Do pratikraman or inner reflection. Ask forgiveness for pride, comparison, and validation-seeking.
• Offer the tapasya mentally to the soul’s purification. Keep repeating: “This is for my atma, not for my image.”
• Stay under guidance. For Atthai, take guidance from family, elders, or a Jain guru, especially for health and proper vidhi.

Spiritual Understanding

In Jain Dharma, the outer fast is bahya tapa, but the inner purification is even more important. If fasting increases ego, comparison, or obsession with the body, then the real purpose becomes weak. But if you notice those faults and try to reduce them with humility, then the same fast can become spiritually meaningful.

You can pray inwardly:

“Hey Arihant Bhagwan, may this tapasya reduce my attachment, pride, and craving for approval. May my bhaav become pure.”

Also remember: Atthai should be done with physical capacity, mental steadiness, and proper guidance. Jain Dharma does not ask you to harm the body out of pressure. The body is a means for sadhana, so care and discipline should go together.

Takeaway

You are not “bad” for having these thoughts. You are aware, and awareness is the beginning of purification. Do the Atthai not to prove yourself, but to gently train your soul away from validation, body-attachment, and ego. Even if mixed thoughts come, keep returning to one bhaav:

“This tapasya is for my atma, not for my image.”