Answer

I’m sorry you are going through this. In Jain Dharma, the way out of this cycle is not to force yourself to “approve” of your father’s behavior, but to protect your inner state from becoming filled with anger, hatred, and revenge.

You can think:

• His behavior is his karma and responsibility.
• My reaction is my karma and responsibility.
• I will not add new bondage through anger, hatred, and continuous mental fighting.

This is not weakness. This is spiritual strength.

Explanation

Jain Dharma teaches that karma is bound mainly through passions like:

• Krodh — anger
• Maan — ego
• Maya — deceit
• Lobh — greed/attachment

When someone misbehaves, the first pain comes from their action. But the second pain often comes from our repeated thoughts:

• “Why is he like this?”
• “I hate him.”
• “He ruined my peace.”
• “I can never forgive this.”

These thoughts keep the inner wound active. Jain Dharma asks us to slowly move from reaction to awareness.

A helpful inner practice is:

“I do not support wrong behavior, but I will not burn myself with hatred.”

You may need distance, boundaries, silence, or help from elders/family/community if the behavior is harmful. Jain Dharma does not say you must keep accepting mistreatment. Ahimsa applies to yourself also.

Spiritual Understanding

To reduce karmic bondage, focus on three things:

• Stop mental revenge: Do not keep replaying his behavior again and again.
• Practice equanimity: Remind yourself, “This is a situation before me; I must protect my soul.”
• Do pratikraman: If anger or bad thoughts arise, sincerely repent and release them.

A simple prayerful reflection:

“Michchhāmi Dukkaḍaṁ. If I have developed anger, hatred, or harmful thoughts, may they become fruitless. May I remain in samata.”

Also remember: forgiveness in Jain Dharma does not mean saying the other person’s behavior was right. Forgiveness means freeing your own soul from hatred.

Practical Steps

• When anger starts: Pause and take slow breaths. Do not answer immediately.
• Use inner separation: “This is his conduct; I will not let it become my inner poison.”
• Reduce arguments: Speak only what is necessary, calmly and respectfully.
• Create boundaries: If possible, limit exposure to situations that repeatedly hurt you.
• Daily pratikraman: Even for 5 minutes, review your thoughts and release anger.
• Do Namokar Mantra: Recite with the feeling of surrender, purity, and inner protection.
• Seek support: If there is abuse, fear, or danger, please speak to a trusted elder, relative, teacher, counselor, or local support service. Protecting yourself is also important.

Takeaway

Your father’s misbehavior may be outside your control, but your inner direction is still in your hands. Do not try to change hatred into love immediately. First change hatred into distance, awareness, and calmness.

The Jain path is:

See clearly. Protect yourself. Do not hate. Do not bind new karma. Return again and again to samata.