What you are describing is actually very common on the path of dharma, and Jain āgams explain it in a very simple way.

1. Why do such cruel thoughts come especially during religious activities?

From Jain viewpoint, there are a few main reasons:

1. Old karmic stock (purva sañchit karma)

- Whatever thoughts, images, and tendencies come in the mind are the uday (fruition) of previously bound karma. - When we turn towards dharma (pūjā, samayik, pratikraman, Tirthankar-bhakti), stronger karmas start getting shaken and come out as strange, sometimes very opposite-type thoughts.

1. Mind always moves to extremes and opposites

- When you deeply respect Tirthankars and sadhus, sometimes the mind suddenly throws the exact opposite picture – of hurting them, insulting them etc. - Jain acharyas call this kind of inner disturbance a form of vyavadhān (inner obstruction), which is actually a sign that some mohaniya karma is breaking.

1. Thought is not equal to action

- In Jainism, there is clear difference between: - vichār / kalpanā – a passing thought - bhāva / ichchhā – inner willingness, approval and enjoyment of that thought - kriyā – action through body, speech, mind with involvement - Paap binds strongly when there is ichchhā + anubhav (enjoyment). - In your case, the moment such thoughts arise, you feel fear, pain and regret – that itself shows you do not approve of them. So karmic bondage is much lighter, and your regret is actually working as prāyaścitta.

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2. What is happening spiritually when you say “Vosirāmi, Micchāmi Dukkaḍaṃ, Aloye Aloyam”?

You are doing exactly what Jain dharma teaches:

• Ālochana (confession):

“I got such a thought, this is my fault.”

• Pratikraman (returning from the fault):

“Vosirāmi / Michchāmi Dukkaḍaṃ” – I repent and turn back.

• Pratyākhyān (resolve):

“I do not want to repeat this; I don’t want such bhāva again.”

This breaks the intensity of karmic bondage and slowly purifies the inner tendencies.

You can read a simple explanation of pratikraman here

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3. Are these thoughts a big sin?

Look at it step by step from Jain drishti:

1. They arise suddenly, without your wish.

- This is mainly uday of past karma + habits of mind, not present conscious choice.

1. You feel disturbed and immediately repent.

- This shows samyak bhāva (right attitude) is present. - Because of your shraddhā in Tirthankars and sadhus, you feel pain even at the thought of hurting them. This is a good sign, not a bad one.

1. You do pratikraman right away.

- This converts that moment into punya-bhāva (good inner state). - Acharyas say: dosh ko dosh mān lena hi bādī upāsanā hai – accepting one’s fault itself is great worship.

So, do not label yourself as cruel. The thought is cruel, but you are not. Your real self (ātmā) is pure; these are just passing clouds of karma over the mind.

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4. How to deal with such thoughts in practice?

Here is a very simple Jain-based way:

1. Do not fight the thought, just see it.

- When it comes, calmly say inside: “Yeh sirf purva karma ka uday hai, yeh mera svarūp nahi hai.” - Seeing it as separate from the soul weakens it.

1. Immediately do short bhāva-pratikraman:

- “Hey Tirthankar Bhagwan, main aise bhāvon se sharminda hoon. Michchāmi Dukkaḍaṃ. Aage aise bhāv na aaye, mujhe saiyam-bala dena.” - Keep it short, heartfelt, and without fear.

1. Replace the image with śubha-bhāva:

- For a few breaths, visualize yourself doing vandan, serving sadhus, or simply recite Namokār Mantra slowly with attention. - Mind cannot hold two opposite pictures strongly at the same time; gently give it a dhārmik alternative.

1. Do not keep checking: “Will it come again?”

- Constant checking itself keeps the track alive. - Just continue your pūjā / pāṭh as if a fly came and went.

1. Strengthen positive bhāv in general:

- Daily maitrī-bhāvanā: “Sab jīv mere mitra hain, main sabka kalyāṇ chāhtā hoon.” - Regular samayik and pratikraman (even short versions) help make the mind sattvik and quiet.

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5. A gentle reminder about health

Sometimes the mind can become over-tired, anxious or obsessive, so unwanted thoughts feel stronger and more frequent. Jain dharma also teaches care of body and mind as important for sādhanā:

• Proper sleep, balanced routine, not overstraining in one go.
• If these thoughts:

- come almost all the time, - disturb sleep and daily work badly, - or push you towards extreme fear or depression, then quietly consulting a good, ethical doctor or mental-health professional is not against Jain dharma. It is protecting the body-mind as an instrument for sādhanā.

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6. The essence

• Such thoughts are mostly old karmic dust coming out, not your true nature.
• Your immediate regret, vo-sirāmi, Micchāmi Dukkaḍaṃ, Aloye Aloyam show a clear, soft, dhārmik heart.
• Continue:

- gentle pratikraman, - Namokār Mantra, - maitri-bhāv, - and a relaxed, not-over-anxious attitude.

Over time, with sincere but calm effort, these thoughts reduce in frequency and power, and the mind becomes more shānt and pavitra.