I’ll answer step‑by‑step, in simple language, keeping strictly to Jain siddhānt.

You have basically asked:

1. Can a samyakdrashti (samkit) jīva get intense kaṣhāy?
2. Can a samyakdrashti jīva have anantānubandhi kaṣhāy or nikacita‑like bondage?
3. Looking at my own past strong anger, hatred, revenge‑thoughts etc., am I really samyakdrashti or not? How to understand this correctly?

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1. Basic Jain points you need here

(A) Types of kaṣhāy

In Jainism, the four main kaṣhāy are:

• Krodh – anger
• Mān – pride/ego
• Māyā – deceit
• Lobha – greed

Each of these has 4 degrees of intensity (anubhāg):

1. Anantānubandhi – very intense, which destroys samyak darshan or prevents it from arising.
2. Apratyākhyānāvaraṇīya – strong, but less than anantānubandhi.
3. Pratyākhyānāvaraṇīya – milder; still harmful but controllable.
4. Sanjvalana – mildest, like a stain; present even in advanced stages below keval‑jnān.

So, kaṣhāy are always there in saṃsār until very high guṇasthān, but their intensity and nature keep changing.

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2. Can a samyakdrashti have intense kaṣhāy?

Answer in short:

• A samyakdrashti jīva can have strong kaṣhāy (anger, ego, etc.),
• but not in the form of anantānubandhi at that moment.

Why?

(A) Nature of samyak darshan / samkit

Samyak darshan (samkit) means:

• Right, doubt‑free faith in tattvas (jiva, ajiva, āsrava, bandha, saṃvar, nirjarā, mokṣa).
• Faith in Panch Parmeshti and in the Jain path.
• Giving up perverse belief (mithyātva) as one’s basis.

You can read a simple description here and here .

When samyak darshan is there (even in kṣayopasham form), anantānubandhi darshan‑mohanīya is not active in the same way. That is why scriptures say:

• Anantānubandhi kaṣhāy either stops samkit from arising or leads to its fall.

So:

• Samyakdrashti = can have pratyākhyānāvaraṇīya, apratyākhyānāvaraṇīya, sanjvalana type kaṣhāy.
• If anantānubandhi arises in full force with that wrong attitude, samkit falls, and the jīva is then no longer samyakdrashti at that time.

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3. Then what about my very strong anger, hatred, revenge etc.?

From your description:

• Very long‑lasting hatred towards your friend.
• Feeling “he is my enemy”, deep ego, not forgiving, even though he tried.
• For many years, strong wish to kill the teacher who beat you, imagining brutal killing, with pleasure in those thoughts.
• Sometimes intense reply / harsh speech to relatives, then regret and guilt.
• Only after many years, realising, repenting, asking forgiveness mentally.

(A) Can a samyakdrashti have such thoughts?

Important distinction:

1. Dravya‑samkit (actual spiritual state fixed by karmas; guṇasthān 4).
2. Bhāv / inclination – liking for dharm, interest in moksha, desire for tīrthaṅkar bhav, devotion to Panch Parmeshti, etc.

You clearly have:

• Strong bhāv for dharm:

- Love for Jain dharm, wish for tīrthaṅkar bhav, desire to remove others’ suffering, thinking about dīkṣhā, only worship to Panch Parmeshti.

But:

• During those years, your kaṣhāy were also extremely strong and long‑lasting, especially:

- 6 years of repeated, pleasurable thoughts of brutal killing, - many years of deep hatred and non‑forgiveness.

This pattern is very close to anantānubandhi‑type krodh and mān. When such kaṣhāy become fully anantānubandhi, samkit cannot stay. That means:

• Either you had not yet truly attained dravya‑samkit in those years,

- you only had śubha bhāv, religious interest, and good tendencies,

• Or, if there were short periods of real samkit,

- they were interrupted / lost whenever anantānubandhi kaṣhāy rose strongly.

Jain siddhānt accepts:

• A jīva can go mithyātva → samkit → mithyātva again in saṃsār,
• Until kṣāyik samkit arises (which never falls).

So, your religious interest does not automatically prove samkit. Real samkit is a specific karmic and inner state, not only outer liking for dharm.

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4. Is all this “anantānubandhi”? Did I bind very heavy (nikacita‑like) karma?

(A) Anantānubandhi kaṣhāy

• Whenever there is intense anger / pride / deceit / greed with

- deliberate, repeated, and enjoyed wrong thoughts, - no effort to stop them, - and strong wrong belief or deliberate cruelty,

• it is close to or actually anantānubandhi.

Your example:

• 6 years of “I want to kill her brutally” type thoughts,
• no attempt to correct it for a long time,
• hatred nourished again and again,

This very likely means heavy mohaniya bondage. Whether it is exactly “anantānubandhi” as per technical definition, only a Kevali knows. But from description, it is clearly very intense paap‑bhāv.

(B) “Can just thinking of killing bind nikacita karma?”

• Jain siddhānt: bhāv (inner intention) is primary in karma bandha.
• Actual physical killing + intense cruel bhāv = very heavy bandha, often nikacita‑like.
• Even only mental violence, if:

- very intense, - repeated for years, - with delight in other’s suffering, can bind very strong karma. Its exact label (nikacita or not) is beyond our knowledge, but it is serious.

So yes:

• A jīva can bind very heavy karma just by strong, cruel mental bhāv,
• Especially when the anger / hatred is cherished and not repented.

(C) Can a samyakdrashti jīva have such thoughts?

• Short, uninvited flashes of wrong thoughts can come even in samyakdrashti, if:

- They are not welcomed, - The jīva quickly corrects, repents, and turns the mind.

• But your description is of long‑term nourishment of hatred and revenge.

That is more compatible with mithyātva state (or at least periods of fall from samkit).

So, if those exact years were filled with such bhāv, it is unlikely that you were in continuous dravya‑samkit then.

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5. But I also had deep faith, prayed only to Panch Parmeshti, wanted moksha. How does that fit?

Jain texts distinguish:

• People in mithyātva, but with śubha‑mithyātva:

- They like religion, do rituals, have respect for Jinas, - But deep inside, darshan‑mohanīya (wrong view karma) is not yet really subdued/destroyed. - They can still have very strong kaṣhāy and severe attachment/hatred.

• Samyakdrashti:

- Core inner standpoint changes: - “This worldly honour/insult is not ultimate truth; soul and its purity matter most.” - Even when anger arises, there is quick inner regret and effort: - no deep “mine‑ness” with passions, - no long‑term hatred is justified.

You are in a transition zone:

• Strong religious samskārs,
• Still strong unresolved past kaṣhāy.

The fact that:

• You have now recognised your grave mistake,
• You genuinely repent, cry, apologise mentally,
• You see clearly: “I destroyed the friendship; my ego and anger blindsided me”,

These are good signs of right direction. Such pratikraman‑bhāv is a sign that either samkit is arising/strengthening now, or at least you are much closer to it than before.

You can read more about samyak darshan’s nature and arising here .

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6. What about my current situation: anger flares when I recall incidents, but I control myself or regret later. Is this compatible with samkit?

Yes, this can be compatible with samkit, especially aupashamik or kṣayopashamik samkit:

• Old paryāy (states) of karmas keep throwing up:

- memories, - old hurt, - reactions.

• In a samyakdrashti, the difference is:

1. There is inner awareness: “This is wrong; this is kaṣhāy.” 2. There is regret and pratikraman, not justification: “I was right to be cruel.” 3. Over time, frequency and intensity of such outbursts gradually lessen.

When you:

• Answer back harshly, then within minutes feel deep guilt, cry, apologise,

this shows that sanjvalana/apratyākhyānāvaraṇīya type kaṣhāy are active, but there is strong inner conscience.

So right now, you may well be:

• In a better spiritual state than 6–10 years ago,
• Possibly moving towards / entering samyak‑dṛṣhti,
• Provided your basic faith in tattvas and Panch Parmeshti is firm and undoubting.

Whether this very moment you are dravya‑samkit or not, we cannot know exactly; but your direction is right: from hatred → awareness → repentance → wish to purify.

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7. What should you do now, according to Jain dharm?

You have already done the most important beginning:

• You have recognised your faults clearly.
• You feel real regret.
• You are seeking truthful understanding, not self‑justification.

To purify past kaṣhāy and protect / invite samkit, traditional Jain way is:

1. Real pratikraman

• Re‑live those events only to repent, not to justify or relive anger.
• In mind (or verbally if possible), do:

- Ālochana – admit: “I did this; it was wrong.” - Pratikraman – feel true sorrow, ask for forgiveness from that jīva (friend, teacher, relative). - Pratyākhyān – resolve: “I will not nourish such hatred again.”

Regular pratikraman is strongly advised in both traditions.

2. Forgiveness (kṣhamā‑bhāvanā)

• Daily, sit quietly and:

- Recall each person you hate or feel hurt by. - Say from heart: “Michchhāmi Dukkaḍaṃ – I forgive you, and I seek your forgiveness.” - Remember: they were only instruments; my own karmas made me receive the suffering.

This directly cuts anantānubandhi‑like hatred.

3. Watch anger in the present

• With the elder relative who scolds:

- Decide beforehand: “Whenever he speaks harshly, I will first keep maun for a few seconds and observe my inside.” - If you slip and speak harshly, immediately afterwards do inner pratikraman; do not wait for years.

Gradually, reaction time will shorten and calm space will expand.

4. Strengthen your samkit‑bhāv

• Daily Namokar Mantra with focus on: “I want that inner state where anger/ego cannot rule me.”
• Study simple, authentic Jain texts or clear explanations of tattvas and samyak darshan , .
• Do samayik regularly: even 20–30 minutes of equanimity practice has deep effect on kaṣhāy.

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8. Direct answer to your main questions

1. Can a samyakdrashti jīva get intense kaṣhāy?

- Yes, intense but not anantānubandhi type can arise in samyakdrashti. - Anger may come, but there is quick awareness, remorse, and effort to subside it.

1. Can a samyakdrashti jīva get anantānubandhi kaṣhāy?

- By definition, when a jīva comes under anantānubandhi kaṣhāy in full form, samkit cannot remain. - Either samkit has not arisen, or it falls at that moment. - So: Anantānubandhi and samkit cannot coexist steadily.

1. Can a samyakdrashti jīva have cruel “I want to kill” thoughts for years?

- A brief, resisted thought – maybe. - But nourishing it joyfully for years is a sign of strong mithyātva‑dominated state, not stable samkit.

1. In my case, was I samyakdrashti when I had all these years of hatred and revenge?

- Most likely: - You had good religious tendencies, but not full samkit, - Or samkit, if at all arisen, was not continuous and would have fallen during peak hatred phases.

1. Now that I regret and want to purify, is samkit possible for me?

- Yes. In fact, genuine repentance, forgiveness, and deep faith are the doorway through which samkit arises and strengthens.

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Remember: Jain dharm never says, “Because you made big mistakes, you are finished.” It says: “See clearly, repent deeply, restrain sincerely, and rise.”

Your openness about your faults and your wish to understand them through Jain siddhānt is itself a very auspicious sign.