how to get prayashchit for any sexual intimacy that you've had without marrying
In Jain Dharma, any sexual activity done only for pleasure, outside of marriage, is called abrahma (opposite of brahmacharya). This is a paap (sinful karma), but it can be purified through true prayashchit (repentance + change).
Below is a simple, practical Jain way:
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1. Accept clearly: “Yes, I did abrahma”
- Do not justify it: “Everyone does it”, “We love each other”, etc.
- In your heart say very honestly:
- This clear acceptance is the first step of pashchātāp (remorse).
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2. Alochana – confess your fault
If possible:
- In front of a Guru / sadhu / sadhvi / Jain scholar you trust:
If you have no access to Guru:
- Sit alone in front of Dev–Guru–Dharma photo or idol.
- Fold hands, bow your head, and say (in your own language), for example:
- “I confess my faults of sexual misconduct. I did … (mentally recall). I feel true regret. I don’t want to repeat this again. Please give me strength to follow brahmacharya according to my stage of life.”
This mental confession is also alochana.
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3. Pratikraman – ask forgiveness and clean the karma
Both Śvetāmbara and Digambara traditions teach:
- Alochana – Pratikraman – Pratyakhyan – Prayaschit
If you can, start doing daily or at least fortnightly Pratikraman (Samvatsari style once a year is minimum, but for such faults, sooner is better).
If you don’t know full Pratikraman, do a simple form every night:
- Sit quietly, remember that act of sexual intimacy.
- Feel real pain inside: “I have harmed my own soul.”
- Say with true feeling:
- “Michchhāmi dukkaḍaṁ” – “May all my faults become fruitless.”
- Ask forgiveness from:
- The person involved - All beings you may have hurt (emotionally, physically, or through related acts like lies, cheating, abortion, etc.)
- Mentally bow to all the Panch Parmesthi.
Even simple, sincere nightly pratikraman reduces that karma.
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4. Pratyakhyan – strong decision not to repeat
Prayashchit is incomplete without a new vow.
Make a clear and practical niyamit sankalp according to your present life-stage:
If you are unmarried
Take a vow like:
- “From today, I will not have any sexual touch or intimacy with anyone.”
- “I will avoid pornography, erotic chatting, and self-stimulation (masturbation) as far as I can.”
- “If thoughts come, I will not enjoy them; I will change my focus, repeat Navkar Mantra.”
If you are married (or will marry later)
- Keep sexual relation only with spouse, and even there with restraint and responsibility, not as blind lust.
- No physical intimacy with anyone else, even if there is attraction.
You can strengthen this by:
- Saying your sankalp in front of Dev–Guru.
- Writing it on paper and keeping it in your Pooja room.
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5. Do some specific prayashchit–taps (atonement practices)
According to your capacity, you can adopt:
- Upvas / Ekasana / Beasana (fasting or eating once/twice with discipline)
- Japa of Navkar Mantra (e.g., 108 times daily with special bhav of cleansing abrahma karma)
- Swadhyaya – read / listen about brahmacharya and sanyam
- Seva of sadhus / sadhvis / Jain temple as vinay (humility) and punya
Do not overdo suddenly; choose small but steady prayashchit you can actually continue.
You can read more on this related topic here
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6. Correct any hurt you have caused (without creating new sin)
Ask yourself calmly:
- Did I emotionally use someone only for pleasure?
- Did I pressure or manipulate them?
- Did I lie, cheat, or break someone’s trust?
- Was there any abortion, or risk of disease, or social harm?
If possible without creating new complications:
- Speak honestly.
- Apologize for any emotional misuse or cheating.
- Stop any ongoing sinful physical relation.
But do this wisely:
- Jain Dharma does not ask you to create new lies, new attachments, or new fights in the name of correction.
- Where direct talk will cause big damage or more passions (anger, hate, revenge), do inner pratikraman and keep distance in practice.
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7. Live more like a brahmachari from now
To prevent repetition:
- Control what you see and hear:
- Avoid wrong company:
- Food & routine:
- Fill life with Dharma:
The more your mind is positively engaged, the less space there is for lust.
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8. Do not hate yourself; hate the fault, not the soul
Jain view:
- Your soul is eternally pure in its real nature.
- Abrahma is a temporary impurity (karma), which can be removed with:
So:
- Feel deep regret – this burns karma.
- But do not fall into depression or self-hatred.
- Tell yourself:
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Difference between Śvetāmbara & Digambara (brief)
- Both agree:
- Differences are in:
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If you truly feel regret, confess sincerely, take a clear vow, and walk towards brahmacharya day by day, then according to Jain Dharma, your past sexual sin does not have to define your future. Through right effort, that karma can be weakened and shed.